Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Sex, Love, Or Dating: What Do You Want?)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS

Do people really like to get in the bone zone or what?

This week on my blog I experienced an unusually high spike in activity and page views.  I had posted an article on Monday about casual sex on OKCupid and I thought to myself “Yep, people really seem to like this whole penis-into-the-vagina or however-you-prefer-to-do-it business!”  I mean, it makes a lot of sense.  People enjoy sex, they enjoy thinking about it and talking about it but because it can be a taboo subject sometimes it’s best to just read about others experiences on the internet.  I have basically no qualms talking about my sex life, as embarrassing as it may be, so I hope that my honesty can help others too and realize that you may not be the only pathetic one.  (Even though the majority of my readers are female, and I think that has its own effect by giving the opposite sex a male’s honest perspective.)

However, when I dug deeper I realized that it wasn’t my casual sex article that was giving my page views graph a boner.  It was an article I wrote weeks ago about Love and Science.  I guess through the Google, people were searching hard for love this week.  It was not sex that they craved but a more in depth retrospective on love, chemicals, and romanticism.  I guess that surprised me somewhat.  Why now?  Why love?  Why not the other articles where I talk about boobies and dongs?

Not that I’m complaining.  I’ll write about Bieber Fever if it triples my page views.

What I found myself pondering however was “What is it that people want and do they even know what they want?”  Do you want to find someone to date and not have it be serious?  Do you want to just rub sensitive parts against someone else for 5-15 minutes at a time?  Or are you “wookin’ pa nub”?  (Reference that maybe makes me sound very old.)  I think that’s part of the reason that people have such a hard time in the world of romance, because you either don’t know what you want or you’re lying to yourself.

Can you have casual sex if you’re desperately looking for a life partner?  Can you date someone if you don’t want to get serious right now?  Can you love someone that only wants to have sex?  The differences between dating, loving, and sexing are immense and confusion over what you want and what your partner(s) want will only leave you in want.  We can’t lie to ourselves and hope that people will change or that we will change because in the end you’ll be left with perhaps a broken heart or with someone else’s beating heart in your hand.  This is how people get hurt.

And then I have to ask myself that most important question: What do I want?

Do I just want to lay in the boneyard?  I think most men want that on some level, spending much of our adolescence thinking of nothing other than sex and then feeling like we’ve got some mission to do until we get married.  What happens after marriage, well, I can’t speak to that.  But do I only want to get it in or do I want to find love?  If I want to truly find a special girl, I have to stop thinking like a deviant and start thinking and feeling like it’s time to find the right girl.  People can see right through you if you pretend like you want to be in a relationship when in the back of your head you’re thinking “I wonder what she’ll look like naked.  And I wonder what the waitress will look like naked.  And I wonder what my boss will look like naked.” Until she finally stops you and says, “Hey, are you paying any attention to me?” because you’ve been staring into space for fifteen minutes.

You’ve got to be focused, you’ve got to be true, and you can’t lie to yourself about what you want.  Figure out what it is and stick with it and when it’s time to change, your heart will tell you.  Until then, stick with what you feel and go with it and that’s where you’ll find peace, serenity, and success.

Oh shit, this article just got super serious so I’m going to end with this:  Butts.  That is all.

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!

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