Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Focus on Myself Again)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @KennethArthurS
I haven't had much to say about the dating world lately because I haven't been actively involved in the dating world lately. I don't know what exactly set this off, but the slump has extended longer than I would have expected. I have been on one date in the last two-three months.
Am I concerned about that? Not really. I used to put a lot more time and effort into looking for prospective dates and mates and now I just don't have as much time for that. I'm working a lot, writing a lot, and in my free time I just want to relax. First dates are usually anything but relaxing so I've had a laissez faire attitude about the whole thing; I care not to interfere with the natural order of things. If something happens, it happens.
I've had very little interaction on OkCupid with anyone. It's not the last thing on my mind, but it's stuck somewhere between the latest product from Doritos and "Did I record Mad Men?" What exactly am I supposed to do in this situation, anyway? Should I push through and dedicate a lot of energy to it or should I play along with the idea that "it comes when you're not looking for it"?
Rather than specifically answer that question, I've decided to just focus on myself. I'm not going to concern myself with anything in the dating world, rather I'm just going to see what I can do to make Kenneth better in the short and long-term. I think that's when it truly "Comes when you're not looking for it."
I think that it's another case of when people mistake "fate" for something that's actually a byproduct of hard work and/or attitude. And by "hard work" I don't mean as in finding a partner, I mean hard work in some other area of life whether it's in work, hobbies, the gym...
And with attitude it's pretty simple: We're more attracted to people that don't really seem to care if we are attracted to them. If you go around sniffing everyone's butt, then they've already won you over and their work is done. You can't pine over a person and let them know that they've already got you. Your attitude has to be that you're so good and you're so valuable that they should be the ones proving themselves to you.
That's where I am saying, "Time to focus on me."
Actually, I am a pretty selfish and self-absorbed person already, but there's always room for improvement! :)
I'm working on some things right now (that I'll talk about in a couple of weeks) that is in an effort to improve myself. I'm working on improving my work, improving my appearance (which improves my confidence), and improving who I am as a person. That is never a bad thing.
The best luck you'll ever have in this world is the luck you create by making yourself better. You don't just want people to look at you and be attracted, the true measure of confidence is when you can look at yourself in the mirror and say "I would totally fuck me."
When you can fuck yourself, that's when you know that you're ready.
Right now, I'm just trying to fuck myself.
#thatisall
and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!