#NerdsUnite: Midwest S&M, FTW!
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kevin. He is on a mission to execute 50 dates in 50 states while documenting all of his adventures on dropnpop.com. Pretty cool, huh? Here are some of his latest and greatest thoughts on life and love through his nerdy little eyes. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT KEVIN!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @dropnpop1
Alright, I just had to share this story with everyone. As many of you know I'm starting my 50 dates in 50 states trip later this month. I feel like the pointer sisters, that's how excited I am. Ohhhhhhhh....that was a bad joke. Anyway, one of the outlets I'm using to get these dates is through online dating websites. If you are single and want to be entertained, definitely sign up on one. Don't be ashamed. The conversations you will have will blow your mind. It's so much easier for someone to say what they really feel when they are hiding behind a computer. Which brings me to what this next entry is about.
I was perusing a dating website focusing on the great state of Oklahoma, home of the sooners and sexy cowgirls, when I stumbled across this really hot blonde. Blonde? Go figure, right? So we get to chatting and I tell her about my little adventure. It's always fun to see the reaction from these women when I inform them of my plans. It ranges from, go fuck yourself to this is the coolest thing I've ever heard. Well, this particular girl tells me she interested and I was extra pumped because she seemed cool, adventurous and was definitely hot!
We get to talking a little more and she says to me "So, what are you packing?"
My response was "Well, I will be gone for 2 months so I need to bring a lot of clothes. I'm also taking my guitar and my iPad" Keep in mind this whole conversation is taking place over instant messenger and not the phone.
I then see this response hit the IM box. "Hahahahahahahahahaha, SMH." Now I didn't know what SMH meant exactly and had to Google it. Apparently it means "Shaking My Head". That's when it hit me. She wanted to know the size of the wang.
"Ohhhhhhhh!" I try to think of something witty and funny to say at that point so I cycle through the various Rodney Dangerfield lines in my brain and respond with "Let's just say I once entered a three-legged race by myself."
A conversation of the sexual nature continues and she tells me she is a dominatrix. At this point I'm intrigued and start asking her some "probing" questions. Little did I know that I was going to get an all access pass into the mind of a hot sadistic woman and what she tells me next prompts me to spell out my own three letter acronym, WTF!!!
"So I'm having this guy come over and I'm going to tie him up at the ankles and wrists to my bed, blindfold him and I'm going to invite 15 people over. We are all going to take turns playing with him"
Completely dumbfounded I say, "Yer, Yer, Yer, You're joking right?"
"Nope. It's going to be a mix of guys and girls at the party."
At this point, I didn't know what to say. I had that awkward silence during an IM chat that I'm sure many of you have had when you see something that just blows your mind come on your screen and not knowing how to respond. Just by her last statement I now know that I will not be going out with this chick when I'm in Oklahoma which is why you see a big, gaping yellow hole in the midwest on the map below. Get your mind out of the gutter. I want to come back with all my body parts just in case someday I actually wish to enter a three-legged race by myself.
I didn't think I needed to put this out there but I guess I have to. I'm not looking to be tied up, gagged, spanked, whipped, chained, or kicked in the balls on this trip. I've seen enoughReal Sex on HBO to know how that story ends. If any of my dates are reading this right now and have this in mind, now is the time to speak up so I can find your replacement. That being said, if any of you actually moonlight as a dominatrix I would love to hear the stories. YB!!
**On a side note, if any of you have some cool nerdy friends, that reside in the states colored yellow that may be interested in a date, let me know.