#NerdsUnite: Letters to the editor - 100% real, 100% hilarious (9 month trip to hell)
<editorsnote> I wake up every day to some fanschmastically awesome stories and questions. For reals, man - you guys MAKE MY FREAKING LIFE!!! That being said, I've currently started a section answering a lot of your loverly questions, now I want to do the same thing with the stories. I'm not the only one whose life sounds like a movie; I just created the platform to talk about it. Now it's your turn!! YAY LIFE!! </editorsnote>
Hi Jen,
I’ve been reading your site for a while and I figured I would write an article for you because I too have been through many random ass, out-of-a-movie type adventures.
A little background on me – I’m a biracial (black and white) female from West Virginia. I have a twin brother and I grew up on campus in a college town, Number 1 party school to be exact. I’ve always been different, never fit in, the stories of my childhood alone would probably be a best selling book, but I don’t have the mental capacity to get into that right now. Moving on.
Let’s start with my post college graduated life. Two weeks after receiving my diploma in Broadcast News from West Virginia University I moved to NYC on a whim. I had been to visit a few times before taking the plunge, but I never stayed for more than a few days.
I instinctively figured I would live in Brooklyn since it’s cheaper than Manhattan. So I searched Craiglist (my lifeline and best friend since moving here) for a place and ended up finding a student housing room service for $650 a month; no credit check, no lease, and it was furnished! Awesome!
Well, anyone who knows New York knows that finding a place to live for $650 a month either means you have 8 roommates or you live in a complete roach infested hell hole. My case was the latter.
Actual photoSo here I am in Bed Stuy, home of Biggie and Jay-Z; I lived a block away from the projects Fabulous the rapper grew up in. Turns out this so called student room service turned out to be a boarding house for mentally ill, drug addicted middle aged men and illegal immigrants. There was 1 bathroom with a shower curtain completely covered in a mold, a shared kitchen with a stove that had a constant gas leak, our doors were made out of plywood and the smell of cigarettes and cat piss crept in through the windows. Nice.
My favorite neighbor was the African doctor who was out of work and would yell violently to himself on the dot, every day at 4pm and then again around 2am.
Did I mention that I had no friends, no job, and about $4,000 to my name? I knew the only way out was up, so I hit the pavement hard. I interned for free at CBS News in Washington DC so I figured with that on my resume I would be a shoe-in at the NYC location. LMAO. My naïve self really thought that number 1 media market in the entire world would actually take a 22 year old college grad from Appalachia seriously.
Well the people at CBS didn’t come through and I was pissed. I guess spending 2 summers interning for free and thousands of dollars to live in DC to work for a company just isn’t good enough to get a job.
So I did the next best thing I could think of. I got dressed up and started walking into all of the major television studios and thought that would for sure land me a job. It actually just landed me a lot of rejection. I did end up meeting Sway Calloway at the MTV building who gave me his assistants e-mail address, which got me nowhere but at least I can say he follows me on Twitter.
Anywho, I also happen to have a background in fitness and thank God I do because it was the only means I had of making money. I teach Zumba, Spinning and do personal training so I was able to land a few gigs. My life for the next few months was running around NYC teaching classes, making about $100 a week.
It was fun in a weird way, it was summer and it was the first time in my life that I wasn’t in school. And when you go to a place like West Virginia University the networking is unreal. Fortunately my friends and acquaintances from college were there to get me out my head from time to time. NYC is a drinking town, and I love to pop bottles and because I’m a girl I get to do it for free.
I partied, and still party a lot. Epic nights dancing, drinking champagne with millionaires; athletes, CEOs, wallstreeters, penthouse rooftop parties and brunches. My social life at the point in time was a stark contrast compared to my gloomy living and job situation. It’s what kept me going.
During the days I LIVED on Craigslist, searching for jobs and getting interviews, not hearing back from most of them. I was getting desperate, my money was quickly running out and I was getting into serious debt. I was able to pick up a free lance vlogging gig which I hated, too much work and not enough pay. CBS was calling me for interviews which I attended but lead to nowhere, and my living situation was steadily and literally driving me crazy. One of my best friends mothers committed suicide back home and I was sort dating this guy with kids and an ex wife. I was in over my head.
I decided I would do what any smart New Yorker would do; make up a bullshit bartending/waitressing resume. I figured I would make a lot of money bartending, but little did I know that the bartending industry is just as competitive as the Ivy League School system. I sat in on a few bartending classes and started walking into restaurants with my fake resume.
The Woolworth Tower Kitchen was the first place I walked into and I got hired on the spot as Hostess. $40 a day 4hours a day 5 days a week. I took it, ended up meeting one of my best friends in NYC who happened to have gone to West Virginia University and lives about an hour away from my home town. It was one of those moments when the stars aligned, and she ended playing a super crucial role down the road of my journey.
Well the restaurant was fucking weird, the crowd was a bunch of socially awkward Jewish Lawyers on Wall Street. Long story short my friend and I got fired after a month of working there. The first time I had ever gotten fired in my life.
No job, No real home, just fabulous parties and dates. I couldn’t take my living situation anymore so I got on craigslist and found a spot in Harlem (Manhattan) for $750 a month. It was shared apartment with two 20 something girls and their mom. They were great people, but they were chronic chain smokers and they had dogs that used the floor as their bathroom.
It was disgusting. I had no job, and I was living in an even nastier place across the street from the projects, shopping and partying in Soho, hanging out in Limos. Seriously WTF. This was around October, and this was the first time in my NYC experience that I thought about giving up. I saw an add on Craiglist for a personal training gig at Equinox, so I applied and I got hired on the spot! Seemed to be a recurring theme.
After 3 weeks in West Harlem Hell I finally got hired at a super upscale gym and found another place to live. Move number 3. I started a new job and moved into a sublet 4 blocks away from Central Park with a cool female roommate my age. Things were looking up! I was talking to a new guy and I was finally making some money.
I check my e-mail the day I’m supposed to start working at Equinox. CBS offered me a job. FUCK!!!
Why did this have happen just as soon as I was content with life and so over the news industry. I had already decided that I was going to pursue fitness full force.
I took both jobs.
It was 5:30am and I walked into my first day at Equinox, and this kid at the front desk tells me he recognized me from YouTube, he said he had seen me in a video my brother posted a few years ago. Are you serious? Out of all places and times I get recognized from some randomass YouTube video made 3 years ago.
But something about that moment was so profound, it made me realize that I didn’t need CBS or Equinox to succeed in whatever it is that I decided to do. It also got me extremely inspired to start the fitness YouTube channel I had always wanted to start.
I went into CBS after working at Equinox for a day, hung out on set at different shows, 106 and Park and the Nate Berkus Show. It was truly a great day, but I knew that I wouldn’t be staying with CBS.
I told them I was quitting and they were shocked that after 5 interviews I would throw away such an awesome $10 an hour, with no benefits opportunity. My friends and family were disappointed in me too, but I knew that working at CBS wouldn’t make or break me, or even pay my bills.
I thought working at Equinox was going to be a great time, I thought I was going to have the chance to change people’s lives and talk about fitness and wellness all day. I was so wrong. Turns out I was just a sales slave.
Fast forward to January. The guy I was talking too went away to Africa and forgot about me, I got fired at Equinox and given a 2 week notice to leave my apartment at Central Park. Here we go again.
But at least I was popular on the scene. Getting to party with Giants players after the Super Bowl was pretty freakin fun I have to admit – I needed something to take off the edge of trying to find a job and place to live simultaneously.
At this point I was feeling depressed, like really depressed and I was definitely having some regrets, but there was something deep down inside of me that said it would be over soon.
I declared 2102 to be my year of the Internet. I started making YouTube videos and blogging more often, I even vlogged about how shitty my life was and how I planed to make it better. Fortunately my clients at Equinox were loyal and I was able to train them at their homes. I honestly don’t know how I managed financially all those months but I did.
My roommate and I decided we should look for apartments together. She supposedly had a friend of a friend who knew about some really great, cheap spots so we went to go look. She told me to meet her at 9am, so I get to address and she texted me that she would be outside soon. Long story short, she never came out I called the police, we storm the building searching for her banging on neighbors doors and find out hours later that she was kidnapped. Yes, she was kidnapped, or so she said.
We went to go look at a few different apartments after the fiasco, but things kept “coming up” she would fail to meet me at places because her phone was broken or she couldn’t find the address, I knew something was fishy and when I got home one day to find all her stuff gone I knew she was a flake and absolutely bat shit crazy.
Who the fuck was I living with for 4 months?
actual photoAnywho, my landlord also turned out to be a flake too, she had been going under a fake name to me the whole time. I found a paper in the mail saying the authorities were coming to inspect the apartment and check for people who shouldn’t be living there.
She was really old and really immature, she constantly wanted to pick fights and would show up announced and even stole money from me. It eventually ended when she came over one morning trying to break down my door and threatened to kill me by throwing a jar of mayonnaise at me. She missed, I called the police and had my ex come and help me move my stuff into storage that afternoon.
I was officially homeless and living out of a hot pink duffle bag. This was the lowest point in my 22 years of existence. I had never been the girl who needed help, who had to sleep on a couch. I’ve always had my shit together, but I guess NYC thought I needed 8 months of ass kicking in order to be properly broken into the city.
So remember that girl I met at the restaurant job? Well fortunately she let me stay on her couch, and in return I took her to the nail salon and gave her personal training sessions while I looked for a new home.
Oh my life.
So after about 2 solid weeks of looking shitty apartments I found that beautiful and affordable rare gem that only pops up in TV shows about young single girls in New York City. The only thing is I needed 3 years of tax returns, a passport, birth certificates, social security cards, professional references, bank statements, and 2 different personal interviews and $3000 in cash to get it. Fuck.
I sucked it up, gathered some paper work about myself that I didn’t even know I had called my grandma for the brokers fee and got it, a beautiful one bedroom apartment with a one year lease all in my name.
Now I just needed a job to pay for it. So I get on craigslist found a job at an independent graphic design/tv studio and got hired on the spot. And just like that, in 1 day. I get the apartment and the job.
After 9 months of PURE hell, my life literally and instantly turned around. Just like that. I can’t even believe it as I sit here and type.
And I know this story is long, but this is only a BRIEF summary of what my life has been like for the past 9 ½ months. Every week something absolutely insane happens to me. There’s no way I could capture it all. I just hope that you got something out of this post.
Maybe all the shit I went through will make you feel better about your own life. Maybe I saved you a hard dose of reality if you were thinking about moving to a strange place with no money or friends. Maybe I inspired you to push through your shitty situation. Maybe I opened your eyes to the fact that sometimes life fucking sucks, or maybe it was just a way to pass the time at work.
I know I still have a long way to go, and I’m sure something insane and life changing is right around the corner, but I still love New York. Let’s end with the most overplayed, cheesy quote about NYC there is and ever will.
“If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere!”
#thatisall
Real & Hilarious Life Adventure By: @aminazena
Got a story you want to submit? Email: JenFriel at talknerdytomelover dot com