#NerdsUnite: What Girls Really Mean When They Say They Want To Be Single

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lauren. She's a writer over at singlemenforwomen.com and is here today to talk about some of her experiences in the relationship & dating world. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LAUREN!! !!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Lauren McFleury

Anytime my friend Bridget gets stuck in an extended dry spell, she over compensates by constantly telling everyone that she wants to be single. "I know I haven't dated anyone since Chad, but it's not because I haven't found anyone. I just like being single!" I literally can't tell you how many times she's said that, but I can tell you how many times it's been true: None of the times. 

When you have a single friend who makes it a point of saying how much she likes being single, she's not telling you she likes being single, she's desperately asking you to offer to set her up with one of your single guy friends.

If you have a girlfriend who's telling you how much she loves being unattached (which you do have, if you're friends with Bridget), I thought I'd do you a favor and decode what they're really trying to tell you.

"Being single is actually really therapeutic. It's given me time to really bond with my friends."

This is Bridget's go-to excuse when people asked why she isn't dating anyone. I guess she thought people would believe that she didn't have time to bond with my friends while she was dating someone. Clearly, she meant not a single one of those words. If your single friend is throwing out words like 'therapeutic' and 'bonding time with friends' when they're talking about being single, this is what they really mean:

"Eating three tubs of Ben and Jerry's a night is my new therapy regime. I'm fairly confident that I like both Ben and Jerry better than I like most of my good friends."

"Have you seen his new girlfriend? She's a 'club promoter'! I'd much rather be single than be caught dating someone like that."

The bashing of the new girlfriend. It's a ritual practiced by almost every nation around the world. In France I believe it's called Le Bitter Ex Girl Aimee Routine. Whether your friend is putting down the ex-boyfriends new girlfriend's looks, her career or her life in general, what she really means is:

"I spent six hours e-stalking her last night. Her Facebook is fucking useless! Why do I need to see six pictures of you and your dog? I want to see the photocopy of this bitches last pap saying she has Hep C! I didn't find anything even close to that! The only dirt I found was the fact that she saw Harold and Kumar 3D in the theater."

"Being single gives me more time to concentrate on my career. I'm looking for a company that has more to offer me than where I currently am, anyways."

I don't know about you, but my relationships don't have a hell of a lot to do with my career. Were her ex-boyfriends demanding that she skip work so she could stay home and give them blow jays through the day? If you want to have a good career, have a good career! Your boyfriend really doesn't have anything to do with that. This is why we call that an 'excuse'. What she really meant was:

"I've spent so much time at work crying in the bathroom that I'm pretty sure I'm going to get fired soon. I need to look for a new fucking job."

If your single friends are actually making a point of saying they like being single, then your friend is a liar. Next time a girlfriend recounts the positives of being sans boyfriend, stop what you're doing and set that poor girl up on a date! While you're sleeping at night, she's watching The Notebook and crying for the 17th time this month while holding a body pillow with a hand-drawn picture of her ex's face on it. Help your friend #stopbeinglonely and get them a damn date!

#nerdsunite

Want to hear more of Lauren's stories? Maybe ask for her good-humored advice? Find her and more dating gossip on www.singlemenforwomen.com.