#NerdsUnite: 35 and single - now what? (Focus the rage against the machine)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Jeff. We met on twitter a little while back, and then over Christmas I helped him revamp his OKC profile. He's now here to talk to you about his life outside of the programming world. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JEFF!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Jtwebman
This is part 2 of my post from last week where I talked about the steps I am taking to become confident alpha male again and to stop being so wimpy. Last week was step #1 No More Mr. Nice Guy, where I talked about taking control instead of tip towing around women and life. Step #2 is using pain and anger for energy.
I want to prefix that these are not things that are easy to change. I mean it took me 35 years to get where I am now. So I can’t expect that I’ll be able to change these overnight but I do know I am motivated to change, which is a great start, and actually putting these in writing helps me stay more accountable to myself.
I know you guys might be shocked to hear that pain and anger can be used for energy but here is my thinking.
We as humans tend to not like change, we just like things to stay the same, the norm. The only time we tend to change is when something is painful. We either find some other way to accomplish the task that isn’t as painful or it gets so painful that we just stop doing it all together. So this is how pain can be a great energy source and motivator for change. You just need to push yourself enough to make it painful and your natural instinct is to solve it in an easier way. Just don’t make it so painful that you stop doing it all together.
As for anger, us guys tend to use anger as a display emotion. We don’t tend to cry when we are sad. We don’t tend to cry when we are afraid but we do get angry. We do it partly because it’s how we are raised, I can’t remember my dad ever crying but I do remember him getting mad. It is also a socially excepted way to express other emotions for men.
We also used anger in the caveman days. I mean if Grok was donking your women under the loin cloth, you would not cry over it, you would get angry and fight him off, or she would not be your women anymore. Now please don’t take that in a sexist way I don’t think of women as possessions but back in those days it was not the case and the stronger more alpha male mated and some males did not.
I also think we do it because anger can be a big strength if channeled correctly and our subconscious mind knows this. I think society now days makes it out to be a bad thing and it can be when it is used to hurt someone or some thing but it also can be used for good and be a huge strength.
I remember this one time when I was in the Marines we were having to break apart these old 5 ton split rim tires (Big Truck Tires) to put new tires on them. These things had not been taken apart in 10 years and were rusty. So as I am working on this last nut, the wrench slips off and I banged up my hand real bad. My gut reaction was too yell and swear, which I did a little, but then I picked up the wrench and put all that anger into it and it came off with ease.
Now that example was easy since it was physical anger but that same energy, from none physical anger, can be use to accomplish anything as long as it is focused correctly. Sports tends to use anger as well for energy like when your team is down in points and your coach gives you that motivational talk at half time. You come back out on that field pumped full of new focused energy.
When I first started thinking about this I couldn’t really think of anything that made me angry. I think mostly because I have tried to suppress being angry for the last 13 years. So I had to think long and hard to even start making a list but once I found 1 or 2 they just started flowing out. Here is just a few of them.
X-Wife
Liars
Ditsy Women
People thinking they are the best thing since sliced bread
Drivers that speed up to just cut you off.
People that have an excuse for everything
Kids not respecting adults
Parents not teaching there kids respect.
Politicians lying about bring change
People flaking out on events
Ladies saying lets be friends.
I went on for about 10 minutes writing these all out. Now, I am not saying all these get me angry but all of them are frustrations that have caused anger for me in the past and as you can see most I can’t change.
I suggest getting out a piece or paper and writing down some that you have as well. You might be surprised at the things you get frustrated or angry at and how just writing them down can help you get that trigger when they happen and re-focus that energy to something you want instead.
At first, I was a little fearful of using this energy. I have to admit that when I was younger, I had anger issues. I would lash out at people, throw things, and just throw tantrums. As I got older I have learned to suppress that anger but every once in a while I can have a short fuse because I bottle it all in.
But what I have found is when I am running and working out at the gym, and using that anger energy, that short fuse has disappeared. The only thing I have changed is when I need that little extra push to run 4 miles instead of only 3. I think back over the last few days and find a few things that were frustrating. I also dig up some of that anger towards myself like, how I let myself go physically, or beating myself up for not getting something done, or eating that extra slice of pizza. Once I found a few things I try to focus that frustration and anger towards pushing harder and it is like a straight shot of adrenaline. It has even helped me push 20 to 30 minutes longer then I would have before. It also has help me forgive myself and others.
Don’t get me wrong I am no expert yet. I am still getting used to using this energy. I don’t have everything worked out yet but I do know it’s been a great source of energy so far and I plan on using it more. Just know you have to be careful what you do with it because if you let it out and focused in the wrong way it will only make matters worse.
Thanks you for reading and I’ll leave you with the song that is true for me though I live in Colorado. :)
#thatisall
click here to follow Jeff on twitter!
