#NerdsUnite: The Relationship (The One That Wasn't)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

I've avoided this post for a few weeks now. Maybe the wound is still fresh, although mentally I have stitched myself back together. Found my resolution. That’s the important part I think. So time to roll the story of the last 4 months. See with every new girl I fall for, I feel like I get closer and closer to the girl I am ultimately looking for. That being said, the closer I get, the harder the fall each time. As any of you who have been keeping up with my love life via this site have seen... I’ve gone through some crazy emotional roller coaster rides. I don’t just stick my feet in when it comes to love. I like to dive in and see where the current takes me. So here we go, a story that leads to yet another very close friend for life I’m sure.

I was biking home from work a while back, when a black SUV came up the road and Bullhorned me. If you don’t know what that is, let me illuminate it for you. It’s when a bunch of douchebags get their giggles off by driving around trying to scare the shit out of bikers. Anyway, I got home and threw an angry Facebook rant down about it.

What I got was a response from a girl I rarely talked to. We had hung out socially a few times at the bars, but never for long extended times. That back and forth lead to IMing and we talked for a good 2 hours. At which time she said, “Why haven’t we hung out?” I responded, “We should!” So we went to IHOP at 2 in the morning. There we dove into each other’s lives and I ended up telling her about a series of paintings I have done using my hair. I told her I had gotten the idea from the shower and throwing my hair on the wall after shampooing. Sounds way weirder than it is. She said she did that too. She told me she wanted to paint. So we left there and went back to my place to paint. Around 5 in the morning she took off. I was a little stunned. Not many people I have ever met are so free form to just jump into my life like that. Especially, the not sleeping part of my life. Trust me I make awkward first impressions at my best and it takes a while to warm up to who I am. Once you do, of course you’ll love me for life, just saying. Still I was more than a little interested in this girl. I kept my guard up because like I said before I tend to jump into things head first. I’m trying to be less susceptible to heart-ache. Didn't really hear from her for a few days until I got a Facebook message that she really wanted to hang out again. So we did.

I will say this in my interactions with girls; I want every new experience to be memorable. A new adventure if you will, every time we hang out. This time we went to one of the high points around our town and just talked for hours. We kept doing this up all night together thing over and over again. Naturally, I told her I liked her on the roof of my house under a starlit sky. She responded in kind. She really liked me too. Sounds good so far... then came the, “but.” Red flag number one. She had been talking to a guy and felt it would be wrong to end things there before seeing where they went. Told me it was something she had a lot of faith in, and that it held great potential. I couldn't fault her for that, because I had done the same thing with Laura. You remember my 8 part series on the greatest, “what if” of my life. I told her that was cool, I wouldn't pressure her anymore about it. That night she crashed at my place. No sex mind you, just cuddled up together. Thus started the great undoing of me.

Over the course of the next month we spent every spare moment we could together. We even started planning things way in the future, which went against one of my rules. You know the rules we set up to govern our actions in love. Well I side stepped this rule, which was never plan anything greater than half the time you have been dating them. I told myself, “Well we aren't technically dating.” I did however, take her out all the time, I never called them dates. To me though it felt like and were dates. Both socially and just the two of us. Still she was spending almost every night at my house, in my bed with me. It was starting to feel like a relationship, who am I kidding it was a relationship. I even gave her dresser drawers so she wouldn't have to keep driving to her house before work. I also in her own words gave her the perfect day. Where we went on a hike, saw a swarm of monarch butterflies, walked with deer, and talked about what we were going to name our future children. We had danced in the rain together. We had missed so many amazing first kiss moments. I brought that up once during a long conversation we had. She said she had been counting them. Top that with the fact that we haven’t lied to each other since we met. Complete and total honesty between the two of us. So after a few months of that; she was planning on heading back to her home town. Half a country away. I told her again, “Look this really does feels like a relationship.” I highlighted all the aspects of it that were. She responded by saying, “We haven’t kissed or had sex.” Side note she had kissed me once while drunk. I told her that’s not how I define a relationship. That’s just the perks of monogamy. In fact we had discussed our sexuality at length, which also didn't help the desire for her. We synced up in so many ways it was uncanny. Of course there were aspects of us that didn't. I like that though. It keeps you on your toes. Makes the relationship more interesting.  Still she was held up on a guy. She had told me who it was and made me promise never to divulge that information. I will take any secret someone tells me to the grave if need be. So long as I know it’s a secret. So I wrote her a letter. Remember a letter is what got me in trouble with Laura. When I fall in love and there are questions rolling in my head, I can’t get them out till I write them down. So I did just that.

The week before she left we took a trip to KC to see Nightwish. The trip seemed to be filled with failure. The bands lead singer got hospitalized, we had to sleep on the floor of my friend’s house, and she got dumped into meeting my brother without a lot of prep. Still I gave her the letter after a late night walk. She liked it. Really liked it. Then came the, “but.” She wasn't ready for me or anyone and was still hung up on the other guy. She also told me I had lied to her. Siting her Ex-husband was a storyteller as well, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth. I was stunned. I don’t lie! I don’t lie to anyone. Let alone the ones I love. She contended that it was because I exaggerate when I tell stories. That is true I thought, instilling doubt in myself. So from that day forth I decided to extract my exaggeration with girls I wanted to get to know. When it comes to talking to someone that you want to know you, why tell-tale tells. They may fall in love with the stories of you, only to find the man less than fantastic. Now my stories are generally amazing without the over the top aspects. I am and forever will be a storyteller though. Exaggeration is part of that. So I decided to cut it from the courting process alone. So when we got back and she prepared to leave, I told myself I was just going to let her go and not focus on her. The 2 weeks of her absence would do my heart good I thought. I could get away from the screaming of my mind and let myself cool down. I wasn't going to text or call without her initiating contact.

She called me almost every day she was there. We spoke at length and long into the night about all of her past and the friends she had there. She had given me every part of her back story I could fathom, swapping stories back and forth. In the course of this I really started to question everything. My mind spun like a top. Why is she calling me, asking me to just get up and move there with her, telling me more than anyone else she missed me? Especially, after telling me, “no” because I felt too much like her Ex Husband. She was still missing me. Those two weeks I wrote her I believe 5 letters, each with my own answers to questions she had about my character. Each a semblance of the love I had for her. In one, to prove to her that my stories weren't all bad: I even took a dream she had for herself and brought it to life. I wrote her dream as a reality.  She loved that one a lot. When the time came for her to leave, she wasn't ready to. However, she knew she only wanted to see one person. She only wanted one person to greet her at the airport and that was me.

There you have it my friends Part 1 of yet another tail spin romantic endeavor. Keep your eyes peeled for part 2 as the whole thing seems to unravel in front of me. One day i may find a girl that isn't emotionally unavailable. I guess today is not yet that day.

#nerdsunite

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