#NerdsUnite: Best Deal in Town
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Gary. He and I met on the interwebz not too long ago, and he wanted to come on board and document his journey to find love through online dating. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT GARY!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Gary Pinsky
I love the sound of my own voice. Always have. Growing up I was a straight “N” student referring to the needs improvement marks I got for behavior from every teacher in every class. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always been a rules-following goody two shoes but I just can’t shut up. My parents started scheduling group parent teacher conferences because they didn’t have the time to meet individually with every teacher I had during the time allotted for such matters.
By the time I reached 6th grade I had a reputation and my homeroom teacher had a plan. I still remember the smile on his face the first time he decried “Gary, go to the carols” referring to a set of desks in the hall between the 5th and 6th grade classrooms where students could take tests in privacy. He figured that if I had no one to talk to I’d finally keep quiet. He figured wrong. I even more vividly remember his smile crumbling into a bewildered rage when one of the 5th grade teachers informed him that his student was talking to himself in the carols and disrupting her class. Carol became my first long-term girlfriend.
This intro does not relate to my dating life (although some exes may beg to differ) but rather explains my thoughts on submitting my second ever blog post. The first submission was…well something that simply had to be done. You can only talk about writing for so long before logical concepts such as being clear on your brand, mapping out a story line and having sufficient ongoing content all start to morph into the same thing…one LAME excuse. Hitting send on my first article was liberating but if Jen is going to grant me periodic real estate I want any time diverted from her own special brand of awesome to be relevant to the reader instead of simply for my own personal amusement. Following advice from the master herself, I’m just going to pull from the experiences in my life - a mixture of reports on dating, insights from all the crazy ways I try to become more self aware about my dating choices and philosophies I’ve developed that hopefully demonstrate some wisdom learned along the way. I’d love your feedback, questions and future topics so feel to leave comments.
For this particular episode I’ll start with a unique situation about a woman I have been dating for almost a month. I’ll start with the ending and let you know that I won’t be seeing her again but the unique reason for that decision is why I’m choosing this subject. Although technically we did not meet on an online dating site we did meet because of an online date. Let me explain.
One day I had an OkCupid lunch rendezvous. I stood out front of the restaurant as she walked right past me and I kind of thought she recognized me but even with the margin of error I build in for profile pics I simply could not turn her into the person I had seen on the web. She called me from 20 feet away and we were off and running but I was clear that this was one and done.
Generally I enjoy meeting new people even if the love vibe ain’t there however this was about to be an incredibly awkward lunch. She admitted when I looked at her quizzically upon ordering a Shirley Temple to drink that she was only 21, not the 27 she had listed in her profile. Huh?!?!!? How could that ever work out? As she continued to demonstrate slightly less sophistication than the restaurant would warrant (academy award to my waitress explaining with a straight face why steak tartare cannot be ordered well done) I just decided to enjoy my meal and go back to my inbox looking for a better fit.
Now ever since my days working at the mall in high school when I mistakenly commented to a woman about her baby on the way only to learn that ladies can have beer guts too I’ve tended to hold my tongue until I have facts to back up my assumptions about other people. But I couldn’t help but think that the attractive woman at the next table with the very unattractive older dude might be rivaling me for worst first date. It seemed like fate to me when her Romeo and my Juliet headed for the rest rooms within a few seconds of each other. What the hell…it wasn’t going to get any worse.
“Quick. If we bolt now I think we can get around the corner before either of them gets back,” I stated with mock urgency. “Mine will probably need me to pick up the check,” she retorted in stride, “so we should just meet back at the bar 15 minutes after they have both left.” Feeling safer that my assessment of the situation was accurate I joked that this was the first of 3 dates for me so she would need to give me her number or come back in 3 hours. Sensing that our cone of silence may expire at any second she told me that she hoped I had a good memory and then spouted out the digits. It all happened so fast that we never exchanged names.
Things were not about to slow down though. I called the next day and we had our first date that night. From the start the rapport was as effortless as that first exchange. She is old school. Great listener who really makes you feel like everything you say is fascinating. Shameless flirt skilled at knowing exactly how far she could push while still seeming sincere. The only thing that had me cautiously keeping one foot near the brake was that she glossed over answers to some basic questions in a way that felt like she was slamming the door on any conversation beyond the surface. Not a big deal…yet…just an observation.
The next night was Halloween and she teased me a bit further by telling me that she was going to a private party and that one day if she really liked me she’d show me the photos. I thought she was joking but if not…something to strive for! I had an out of town business associate crashing at my place the following week so I saw my new love interest the next 4 days in a row. Despite a lot of time spent together she still dodged questions about her job in real estate and her living situation beyond the fact that she thought her roommate had screwed her over and was staying with a friend until she could work it out. She had a talent for…uh…distracting me when the conversation was going in a direction she didn’t like.
The first incident that shifted the needle for me from cautious to concerned came when I was talking to her about a possible double date. My houseguest was bringing my love life to a grinding halt but I hoped we could set something up for that Friday when all of our business was done. She seemed game so I asked her if she had a picture of her friend and let her know I could return the favor. My business partner is very particular (and quite a catch himself) so I didn’t want an awkward evening where I finally get to see my girl only to have it end abruptly. She said that she didn’t but that her friend had an almost identical physique and if anything, was even prettier. When I asked her if she could send a picture of herself she said her laptop was in storage so all she had was the Halloween pictures. I never should have asked but we had both been drinking wine and long story short…about 5 minutes later my jaw was on the floor.
The thing that most struck me wasn’t how comfortable she was showing herself off while damn near naked. These pictures were not snapped on an iPhone and the poses did not appear to be comfortable positions one would assume while at a Halloween party – even if it were adult themed in nature. These snaps looked very professional. While it was possible a fancy private party may actually hire a pro to add something to soiree I couldn’t help but hear the sirens going off in my end. I specifically remember thinking of the alternate meaning of “tricks” when the jpegs uploaded and I’d learn the next day that my Spidey Sense was right on. I wasn’t the only guy she was sleeping with…I was just the only one who didn’t have to pay.
She confessed mainly because the friend she was going to bring as a double date was freaking out. Apparently, she didn’t do any pro bono work and my girl knowing that the topic would come up at some point decided this would be a relatively easy way to break the ice on the matter by starting with the spotlight on someone else. Turns out they got a more lucrative offer for Friday night and that never happened anyway but the damage had been done.
I really want to be open-minded here and there was a time in my life where this would have had shining knight riding in on white horse to save the day written all over it for me. One colleague I told about the situation was adamant I should keep dating her saying that he had a high school friend who turned to porn who is a total sweetheart and that women in sex industries should not be condemned to relationships with assholes. The truth is that I have absolutely no moral opposition to prostitution and think it is insane that it is illegal. My aversion is to drama. I didn’t go into detail about the call I got when her friend was freaking out but it was surreal. Maybe I’m being judgmental but it also cast a shadow on all of her rants about her ex-roommate, ex-husband and the storage facility holding her stuff hostage. When I was younger the excitement factor and potential upsides (did I mention her love of threesomes?) might have made the risks worthwhile but this Thanksgiving season I was grateful for being at a place of peace and ease in life. I’m sure there is another woman out there who can rock my world in the bedroom – one who also will receive a W-2 at the end of the year and dress up for work instead of undressing to get her job done.
I’ll keep you posted…
-Gary