#Adventures in Randomness and Rock & Roll w @leah_cevoli (Obligatory Father)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Leah. She's pretty rad and has an INCREDIBLY random life. Like, no - for reals ... did you know she has an obsession with vampires, psychics, and tarot card readers ... and she had more sex as a teenager than in her 30s ... anddddd she even had two ex boyfriends die violently - one from a heroin overdose, and the other was murdered. Holy moly roli poli oli - that shit be cray cray. Either way, she's now here to write about her life, love, and all things nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LEAH!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Leah_Cevoli
Does anyone else have a parent that just doesn't like them?
Maybe they "love" you as in they feel obligated or feel the need to help out with parental type things like food, shelter, and finances, when you're in need, but as a person they just don't like you?
The older I get the more obvious and unavoidable it is that I have to accept that my father just doesn't like me.
I'm told that as a young kid, we had a great relationship. I really don't remember that time.
As a teenager, we fought a lot. My Dad was constantly yelling at me, grounding me, sending me to my room, etc.
As an adult, my Dad just doesn't talk to me much, and when he does it's to reprimand me for something absurd.
For instance, it's the day after Thanksgiving, my sister, her husband, and baby just left after a visit, and my Dad comes in the living room to tell me to not eat my lunch in the living room, it's not a table, and I'm going to damage his furniture.
For the record I had already finished eating, put my plate in the dishwasher, and left no trace of the leftover turkey lunch.
Now, I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but EVERYONE, including him, eats and drinks in the living room on a daily basis.
What it boils down to, is just another thing to pick at me about.
Another instance.. there's a hallway when you walk in the house, where you can usually find various coats/jackets hanging from the rail or on the bench, along with a variety of shoes in the hallway.
Unless they're mine.. I get reprimanded and told to take my shoes and coat and hang them up.
Again, I know this may sound silly... but NO ONE else gets reprimanded for the very same actions.
I am a grown woman, who has lived on her own for about 15 years. On her own. Alone. Paying her own bills, taking care of her own townhome.
I am not careless, reckless, disrespectful, or damaging of other people's properties.
I'm currently living in my parents' home on the East Coast. I travel a lot, I work a lot, but for the past 4 months my belongings, my cat, and me, are based here at their house.
I clean up after myself, and for the most part I keep to myself upstairs in the back bedroom, and only come down to eat, or to visit when a sibling stops by, like today.
My Dad doesn’t make eye contact with me when I come home. He rarely says anything really, and I can't remember the last time he asked me what was going in my life or had a normal conversation with me.
He jumps to the phone when any one of my siblings calls. His eyes light up when any one of them stops by to visit... and even just last week, my longtime girlfriend stopped by, sat on the couch next to my Dad, and he had a conversation with her. Listening to something she was talking about and giving his advice on the situation.
When we walked out of the house together, I said to her, "He doesn’t talk to me like that. I can't remember the last conversation we had."
Same thing with all of my in-laws. They adore him. He is kind and funny to my sister in laws, and helpful, respectful, and funny to my brother in laws.
Me.. not so much.
I try. Not a whole lot. But I do try.
Occasionally I'll ask questions about work or the weather.. but that's pretty much the extent of any conversation we could have, without it turning into an argument. I could never talk to him about my career, or my love life (or lack of).
And that's just a normal day. If he's having a bad day, watch out. I will be the prime target of that bad day, with yelling, stomping, and doors slamming, or the cold shoulder. The last time I was in town for an extended period, my Dad successfully gave me the cold shoulder, not a word spoken to me, for about two weeks. Quite an accomplishment when you're living in a regular size house with someone to be able to not speak at all for 2 weeks.
My Dad goes out of his way to not interact with me. Even on subjects that I’m an expert on. Just a few weeks ago, my Dad got his first IPhone. I was upstairs in my little cave, and I could hear from downstairs that he had some questions about the functions, heard him telling my Mom that he had texted or called one of my brothers to ask them. Yet, I’m upstairs, have had an IPhone longer than any of them, and am more tech savvy and use more of the IPhone features then any of them.
My Dad plays guitar and likes to write songs and sing with my brother and sisters. I’m never invited to join in, even though I’ve been working in entertainment for 15years, have a folder full of lyrics, a published poetry book and know more professional musicians then my whole family combined.
There’s not much more I love then an old-fashioned jam session with friends, taking turns singing, and making inanimate objects musical instruments, but I don’t ever join in at my parent’s house. It’s hard to put it into words, but I don’t feel welcome in the room if they’re playing together. Like, I have no musical talent, so I shouldn’t be there. It’s a strange feeling. It really is, especially when all of my friends know how much I love to sing, and jam, and do backups for bands, sing karaoke, etc.. I just love the creativeness of it all, whether I can actually hit the notes or not.. but I’m not encouraged to express that side of me when I’m around my family.
My ego says, he's the parent, and he's the one with the problem, he should be able to resolve the problem. My heart says.. well you have to be the bigger person, and radiate even more love.. not to take it personally, not to cry every time he has harsh words for me.
But it hurts... it hurts that every other member of my rather large extended family and friends, think he's such a great, compassionate, loving guy..
The only time I get to see that side of him is when watching the way he treats and interacts with others.
One of my best friends lost her father this week, she is devastated. I'm having a hard time finding the right way to console and comfort her, because I just don't know what that feels like. I don’t know what it feels like to know that your father loves and adores you. I don't know what it feels like to be friends with your father.
The only times that my Dad is truly nice to me, is when I'm heading out the door and won't be back in town for a long period of time. During those times, I'll get a "You're smart and you can accomplish anything" pep talk.