#NerdsUnite: The gospel according to @JohnSollitto
<editorsnote> Nerds, you may already know my buddy John as "Confessions of a Video Game Journalist" but what you DON'T know el senor John is that not only does he also help out as TNTML's intern, he is hands down one of the wisest people I have ever met. For reals, you need to grab a beer with this guy at some point in your life. The things that come out of his mouth ... wowzah! I decided he needs a special column devoted to his wisdom - and now here it is. The gospel according to John. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JOHN !!</editorsnote>
Question this week: What do you think is the sexiest quality in a woman?
This is an interesting question as attraction has a lot of connotations in current society. A person can be “attractive” if they are stable and secure in life, if they are physically and aesthetically pleasing or if they exhibit traits that a person finds enjoyable and preferable over others. In the most basic sense, not everyone finds the same thing attractive, but there is one thing that I believe every man and woman finds attractive: confidence.
Confidence itself is a sub-category in the Attraction Scale because of the many different forms it takes. Confidence in self, confidence in skill, confidence in knowledge and yadda yadda. Personally, confidence in self is the thing that I find most attractive and “sexiest” about a woman. Yet, there are thorns to each rose and we’ll cover those in a second.
As usual, I’ll try and provide examples of what I mean in a humorous manner because honestly I explain things better when it’s funny to me. I don’t find much humor in this next example, but give me a few lines and I’m sure I’ll get a joke out of it somewhere.
Animals. Animals breed off of confidence. Complex courting rituals and shows of strength or ability are all displays of confidence. In this case, an animal is displaying its confidence in itself by showing that it knows it is the best breeding partner for the mate it is seeking. “Look at me, check out this awesome ass plumage. Don’t you want some of this?” Not ass-plumage, but you get the idea. That’s what birds do!
Rams? “Hey, see that other guy over there? Watch me knock him the hell out with my incredible strength and horns. I am the best mate for you because I am the most powerful.” And then the lady ram is like, “Oh Mr. Male Ram, you’re so strong and powerful. How could I refuse you?” And then they live happily ever after.
Now, this is a really basic sense of what I mean. This doesn’t really translate into humans because this can be taken one of two ways. For example: “Hey baby. Aren’t I so sexy? Look at my muscles and my expensive clothing and my suave attitude. I’m clearly the best guy here for you.” If some jackhole came up to you and said that, you’d walk away and think he’s a narcissistic prick, right? The same goes for chicks! “Ugh, look at these girls here. None of them are good enough for you. Take me home.”
I’m only assuming that these are conversations that an incredible confident individual would say if they were confident in ego not in self. Usually people who are all about showing off and proving how good they are, are the ones least confident in themselves.
As for me, I find it sexy when a person says something like this, “I’m working at (x-job) and I really love it because of (reason-y). I tried out all of these other things but I think this is my passion and I love it.” I know what you’re thinking. If I found every person who loves their job sexy then I’d either be overwhelmed by the sexy or sad at the lack of sexy around me. But I shall dissect this to explain why I find this sexy.
I find it sexy because if a woman has taken the time to experiment with things and find out what she is truly passionate about and discovered a job that she really likes and stuck with it, that shows me that she’s found some of her own personal happiness and followed it. I want to be with someone who knows what makes them happy and who isn’t afraid to go for it because that’s who they are. That’s sexy.
Another example is if she doesn’t really care what she wears or if it’s “in-fashion.” If a girl wears clothes that she likes and she finds fit her personality, that is a part of her to me and just makes her sexier. Granted, we all have those conditions of hygiene and whatnot. Also, just because she’s sure of herself and sure of what she’s wearing makes her sexy, doesn’t mean I’ll be totally into her if she shows up wearing clown outfits all the time.
Confidence in self is about knowing who you are and being confident in that knowledge and not letting others get you down. Jen Friel is confident in herself because she knows who she is and what makes her happy. That’s why so many guys and girls find her sexy.
Granted, not everyone knows everything about themselves or who they are and often times people don’t like themselves. I’ve been there and I totally get that. But just because you aren’t confident in yourself, doesn’t mean you won’t ever be. It means that you’re on the road there. Take the time to really think about what you want and that will resonate. It’s kind of what Jen says about finding your own personal awesome. When you are confident in who you are and what you are happy about and what makes you happy, others gravitate to that and they notice that. It’s animal instinct. Remember the rams and the birds with the awesome-ass plumage? Course you do.
So remember guys and gals. Have confidence. Like that Sound of Music song.
#nerdsunite
Want more from John? Click here to follow him on the twitter!