#NerdsUnite: 35 and single - now what? (No more Mr. Nice Guy)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Jeff. We met on twitter a little while back, and then over Christmas I helped him revamp his OKC profile. He's now here to talk to you about his life outside of the programming world. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JEFF!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Jtwebman
So last week when I wrote my blog post I was in a bad place. I had worked hard all week sending well over 100 messages to different women on OKC and POF. I had only gotten about a 5% response and was frustrated to say the least. Jen Friel added an editorial comment at the end that kicked my butt and I needed it. I am not sure what happened over my past 6 years but I definitely had lost some confidence and just in general got wimpy. So I took this week and thought long and hard on what I needed to change to become that go getting alpha male I once was. I had not gotten my last girlfriend of six years by being a wimpy guy. She was a friend of a friend but I had to approach her many times. She had even blown me off a few times before I even got a first date with her and she turned away when I went in for the first kiss. After all this, I still didn’t run away and I finally got her interested in me. After remembering this story it reminded me how persistent I was in my pursuit of her and here are the steps I plan on taking to get back to that guy.
Step #1 is I need to drop the nice guy act. For some reason I have been tip towing around women. Telling them what I think they want to hear. Telling them that the are gorgeous or beautiful all the time. Now I do think you should do these things every once in a while but I am doing it all the time and for the wrong reasons.
You see, women can see right through the words and are seeing where it is comes from. When I looked inside myself I can see that it is coming from me having a lack of confidence in myself and me wanting to hook up with them. I am sure she picks up on it, even if it’s unconsciously, and runs the other way or groups me into the friend category. No women wants to be with a guy that lacks confidence, she wants a man, not a wimp. The wanting part is ok because she didn’t just spend 2 hours getting ready to go out to not be noticed or wanted.
This change needs to happen with more then just dating and women. It needs to happen in all aspects of my life including my job, my friendships, my family, and financially. No one wants a suck-up hanging around and it might be the reason I don’t have as many fiends anymore. People don’t care what you say they care more about what you show them and how you make them feel.
Now this does not mean I am becoming a jerk as that will not win friends ether. It just means I plan on speaking up when I disagree. It means I ask for what I want. It means I do what I want, when I want. It means I stop feeling bad about my past and use that anger and fear to make my present and future even better. It means walking up to the most beautiful women in the bar and saying hi even if she is with another guy (they could just be friends) or in a group. It means not lowering my standards but actually making them even higher. It means always taking the action. It means owning up to things and taking the punishment. It means living a life or no regrets just lessons learned.
I have more steps to talk about and I plan on writing about each one over the next few weeks. So buckle up and enjoy the ride as this ride is going to get crazy.
I leave you with these great words.