#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a ginger (My 2012 Mantra)

Alright, nerds, 2012 is here and I have but one resolution. It's not something I can really simplify into one single sentence or statement, so I'm going to give you some background and then we'll get into the meat of the issue.

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Layne. I forget how we first started talking ... I think it was on twitter, and then we totes became besties on Facebook, and then we started reading each other's blogs and like commenting and like and like and like ... this chick is RAD annndd she's a ginger. No, seriously. Welcome to the world of Layne and the thoughts that are inside of her head. HIT IT GIRL! </editorsnote> 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @redheadintexas

The last few years have been a bit of a bust with regards to finding my niche when it comes to how I'm paying the bills. (read: employment, career, j-o-b.) From 2008 to mid-2010, I was a paralegal. I worked at two different firms during that time and while things can be stable and secure, they can also be crazy, exhausting, and drama-filled. I worked for litigators or what you may know as trial lawyers. The environment can get a bit chaotic at times, as is the nature of the beast. You're on constant alert, with the calendar and it's many many deadlines, and anything can change or come up at any moment. When trial was coming, the to-do list became a monster, rising up in its haze of copier toner and the sharp scent of a black marks-a-lot used in redacting personal information from trial exhibits. Constant faxes coming and going to and from opposing counsel, the court, and the client. Emails you were about to send out become moot within seconds of clicking "send" as the strategy shifts and rematerializes with new twists and turns. Your survival depends on two things: time and the coffee maker.

All in all, it takes a special kind of person to work in that environment. While I had a lot of fun and learned so many things working as a paralegal, I finally came to the conclusion that I did not want to do it for the rest of my life. I just wasn't passionate about it. I loved getting things done and the satisfaction of being on a winning team, but that wasn't enough to keep me in the game. I worked for some amazing people, who not only had skill, but were passionate about the field. I wanted to feel as they did, but it just never quite "clicked."

When an opportunity came to me, in April 2010, to leave the legal world and work for a start up in the online-dating industry, I took a leap of faith. I left my job as a paralegal (and the firm I was working for was very sad to see me go) and started my new job in mid-May. Unfortunately, it didn't work out. What I learned during that time has changed how I have now chosen to move forward. I was adamant that I would find my own passion, and follow that passion to fruition. The truth is, I was never cut out for the traditional 9 to 5 office gig. I'm just not that girl. No matter how big or small the business, something about clocking in day in and day out, dressing in "business casual" and counting down the hours to the weekend just doesn't quite turn me on, you know? I needed more from my job and I wanted a job that needed more from me. I wanted to be creative, in an organic way, and connect the dots between making money and loving it.

I know this is what many of us want. Some of us have a more difficult time finding it. The problem I kept having was that when opportunities to explore other avenues and careers came along, I would often fall into the same pattern of discontent. Often the need to pay the bills trumped the need to find something I really wanted to do. In this economy, I really couldn't walk away from any kind of stable paycheck, telling myself I was lucky to even have a job, while so many others did not. Though I really enjoyed my stint working for a start-up, the actual concept of it wasn't my passion, but someone else's. I was able to be creative and I learned a lot about collaboration and how things are driven in that industry, as well having my eyes and mind opened to the limitless possibilities of tech and web-based businesses. I also discovered that it was possible to really enjoy a job. Not that I hadn't had a job I loved before, but I suppose you could say this was a more mature experience for me.

Now, I'm self-employed. I've written here before on my current situation as a Gal-Friday for hire, and this is something I just seem to have a knack for. Part of it is that I have a really varied skill-set. I know a lot about a lot of different things. I can organize, delegate, lead, follow, work a to-do list, herd cats, and I pack a mean suitcase. I am the one my clients come to when their lives get too busy and they need to get things off their plate, or when they have a project that needs someone who knows how to coordinate all the details. I am their right-hand, their extra eyes and ears, and their scary assistant who will cut you when something goes wrong. I operate under the mantra of "figure it out." There are times when I am asked to do something I have never done before, but I will figure it out. When things get sticky and plans start to fall through, I am there to execute plan B, C and D. Whatever it takes. And I'm good at it.

Some of the traits you need to be a personal assistant are things like integrity, loyalty, and discretion. My clients trust me with their names, their personal information, keys to their homes, businesses, etc. In other words, I had to earn my good name, and that trust is something I value more than the money. You don't just find jobs like this in the newspaper or via Craig's List. It's a word of mouth thing, and I have to do the rest. There's no check box on surveys for exactly what I do, but there is definitely a need for it. It's paying the bills, and I get to work with people I really like. Every day and every assignment is different, so I never get bored.

So, this brings me to the resolution. For 2012, I resolve not to flake out on myself. Meaning, I will do whatever it takes to keep myself out of standard-issue, 9 to 5, dead-end, soul-sucking jobs. I will find a way to either grow my current business, or explore other alternatives-- whether that's a job doing something completely different, but that I can be passionate about, or continuing my current endeavors in new ways and means. Most importantly, I do not want to go backwards. I don't want to end up in the same dark hole, wishing I were waking up to a job I loved, instead of an obligation. I will be open to the options before me, but I will choose to take on things that bring me closer to independence, not slavery. I will take the path less travelled. I will meet challenges with grit and determination, and consider the destination negligible, as long as the journey is worthwhile.

In essence, I'm trying to break a pattern in my life that has kept me from really confronting my fear of failure. That other people have what I need, instead of the other way around. That I can stand on my own two feet with nothing but my ideas and my work ethic to stay afloat. It may be that this particular adventure leads to something even better, but I will never know if I don't stay the course. I can't expect to write my own paycheck with wishes and hopes. I will not defer my dreams to someone else's passion. I will put my own passion on a pedestal, and give my dreams the respect they deserve, and do whatever it takes to fulfill them. But most of all, I will keep moving forward.

There's a line in an Avett Brothers song called "A Gift For Melody Lane" that has always resonated with me, particularly at the present:

Now when your dreams start saying, "I can't come true, you'd be better off without me." Don't let 'em go. Don't let 'em go.

So I will be holding on to my dreams, and come hell or high water, 2012 will be fruitful, because I plan to show up and make sure of it.

#nerdsunite

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