Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Letter to my next girlfriend)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines

I was on a date the other night when I came to the realization that I’m nearing the third anniversary of being single.

Almost three years since we broke up and I moved to Los Angeles.  Time really does fly when you’re busy as shit.

In that three years, there has only been one time when I thought I had met someone that I wanted to call my “girlfriend.”  Just one girl, and that turned out to be a disaster.  A mistake so terrible that I’m afraid I never want to call anyone “girlfriend” again.  (Unless it’s Queen Latifah.  YO WASSUP GIRLFREN’!)

Speaking of Living Single, that’s what I’ve been doing and I love it.  There are no rules on what you can or can’t do when you’re single.  You only hold yourself accountable.  It’s a matter of deciding what works for you and what doesn’t.  It’s not that I’m against being in a relationship, but I’ve really not felt anything special for anyone in a very long time and I’m not in a rush to do so right now.
When I am ready though, I have some requests for her.

Dear Next Girlfriend,

Wow, thanks for choosing me to be your Next Boyfriend!  I really look forward to starting this journey together, to getting to know even more about you, to peer into your soul, and to convincing you to let me go through the back door on my birthday.

You are a very sexy lady with a great personality and a quick wit.  I know this because I chose you to be my Next Girlfriend.  Talking to you is so easy, and I don’t mind feeling like the dumb one in the conversations sometimes.  Your intelligence is your sexiest quality.

Your ass is your second sexiest.

Anyways, there are just a few requests I have before we get serious about this relationship.  Let’s call them Relationquests.  These are going to be very helpful to us in order to have the best relationship possible.  One that’s both long-lasting and deep.  Here are my relationquests:

• I’m a sensitive guy sometimes, so treat me that way.  If that makes me a pussy, then I guess you can fuck me and call me a pussy.  I work very hard and take my work very seriously, and so when you tell me that it’s not good, I get hurt.  When you laugh at me for getting hurt, I get angry.  I don’t mind criticism, but make it constructive.  Don’t just be mean about it and think you’re being funny.
• Don’t make me meet your family or demand to meet my family, until I am ready.  Yeah, I am weird about family.  I get very anxious at the idea of taking that step.  It’s a doozy.  Be sensitive to the idea that I will meet your family when I am ready and don’t push me into it or I will retreat.  The first time that I ever saw my mom talk to my dad, I was 22-years-old.  We all have our hang-ups, so I guess you could call that mine.  I will treat your hang-ups with just as much respect.  
• My life is an open book.  I put it onto the internet, if you haven’t already noticed.  Now your life is an open book to by proxy.  I hope you are okay with that.
• Make me the first person you talk to in the morning, every morning.  I will do the same.  A simple “Good morning” text is all it takes, but it lets a person know that they’re number one, and now you’re number one.
• Don’t make me guess why you’re mad at me.  We all have good reasons to be angry.  Not everything is going to be honky-dorey 24/7.  We’re going to get into fights.  But the fight only gets worse when one person has to “Miss Cleo” the other persons thoughts.  I’ll respect your right to call me out on my shit or to be pissed off at me, but we’re going around in circles when you try to “send me a message” by giving me the silent treatment or whatever, rather than just tell me what the problem is.
• Take a compliment, but don’t go fishing.  You don’t need to fish.  We’re together, obviously I think you’re beautiful, smart, funny, so don’t feel bad about yourself or ever doubt that I don’t believe everything I just said.
• Seriously, about that thing I said early, it’s my birthday.  Please.
• Let me be jealous sometimes.  It just means that I kind of like you.  And you, be jealous sometimes… it tells me that you like me too.  We just won’t be accusatory.

These are just a few relationquests I have before we start this up.  Please feel free to send me yours as well and we can see how well they match up, or maybe find out beforehand before someone gets hurt.  I want this to work because it’s hard to give another person that much trust, especially every person you meet after your first real heart break.  But I’m willing to try with you.

Thanks dear.  P.S. – My Birthday is in December, so start getting prepared now for that present.

-Kenny

#thatisall

Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!

and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!