#Fact: My mom thinks I'm an alcoholic because of Facebook
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet Jordan. He's been writing for us for a while now ... actually come to think of it, he was one of the first writers on this site - so he's been here a superly duperly long time. He's got a lot of thoughts inside that big head of his, here are some of them ... HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @saintpepsi
My mother thinks I'm an alcoholic and I can't say I blame her. I did what every young adult dreads and friended my mother on facebook quite a while ago. I didn't mind really, in the moment mostly I was proud that my mother had gotten an account and was using social media to keep in contact with her children. Soon however, this became an issue. You see, she sees all the crazy things I post from status updates, photos, and things I would share. I got complaints about the nude art I posted, questions about my faith based on things I had posted, scoldings from curse words I had used in updates, and quite a few angry phone calls on things I had written about on TNTML. The Fleshlight review I did sparked a very interesting conversation. One I never anticipated having with my mom. It came down to the fact that I had a growing audience of people that paid attention when I wrote things. Something I had never really fathomed. Apparently, quite a few of my mothers co-workers at the hospital she works at enjoy my articles. I know, I talk a lot! Knowing people are listening is all together terrifying and new. Yet, I still never really edited down my crazy. I mean I could have, but what's the point in writing things if they don't spark some kind of reaction. So keep that in mind when I tell you why facebook has turned us all into assumed alcoholics.
When facebook came out it was only a social network for college students. You had to have a college email to even use the damn thing. I went to a private Christian college and apparently it wasn't recognized as a real college in the eyes of the facebook gods. So it wasn't until I had to take a science class at K-State that I got a legit college email address. When that happened I finally was allowed access to the realm of facebook. So I started out small. I did what everyone else in the world did I crept on anyone I knew that had facebook. They found me as well and I was willing to accept any new friend that asked. This later had be culled as I found out I was friends with peoples pets and babies. BABIES CREEP ME THE FUCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Still, I loved the ability to tag your friends in photos and find new ones through tags in your own. Making the ability to meet and greet so much easier. Who was that at the party last night? Oh right they were in a picture my friend took and tagged. Soon I had plenty of people to tag and more so photo's of me in crazy situations started surfacing. Now I have never been shy about my personal life. Ask me anything I'll tell you the truth. So I never untagged myself. This became one of those hot button issues when employers started creeping on peoples facebook accounts to see what kind of people they would be hiring. There in lies the problem. 
Why do you take your camera out? You assume whatever party or function you are going to will be photo worthy. People don't take pictures of themselves at home just relaxing. That's what myspace was for. Bathroom photo shoots. No you take your camera out for fun occasions and as soon as you aren't in high school anymore and maybe while you are in high school those functions generally contain alcohol or other substances. So naturally you become documented having drinks, being drunk, or all manner of depravity. The dreaded red and blue cup of assumed intoxicating liquid. Those pictures find their way to facebook and you look at them and love them because they remind you of the crazy night you had. The stories you tell your friends are lent credence with the photos from the event. Seriously, Keisha showed up, got naked, and ran around setting things on fire! Don't believe me look at the photos. So when my mom or other older generations check out these pictures that magically surface onto their accounts because for some reason they are only friends with their immediate family; your crazy drunken antics are plastered all over their newsfeed. They sigh and wonder how all their good parenting had been flushed down the toilet with way to much tequila and cheap beer. This is the internet mark of who we are. Look through any of your friends photos if they were brave enough to keep themselves tagged painted half purple doing a keg stand. You would have to surmise that they were alcoholics. Hell! They only have pictures of themselves at parties and getting plastered. I realize there are many people out there that have a modicum of decency and immediately un-tag themselves from any compromising photo's for fear someone might judge them. Those people are probably smart and cowards.
No mom I'm not an alcoholic. I really don't drink that much. Maybe, twice a week at most depending on the week. I mean Halloween and Saint Patrick's Day have to be celebrated for at least a week if not more. I didn't spend a month making a costume to use it once. This isn't a wedding dress. As far as drinking in excess; that happens even less. However, I bet I had a camera. I had a camera because I knew that that night would be crazy awesome and documenting it meant two things. I had proof that certain shit happened and I could piece together why my pants got ripped, I lost my favorite necklace, and I had a black eye. It's the responsible thing to do. Still to assume based solely on pictures that we are who those pictures proclaim us to be, would be jumping the gun a bit I think. I have to tell you ½ of my life is pretty drool. I spend a lot of it in front of my computer, playing video games, or reading. Each of these things are not photograph-able or interesting. Unless you have found a way to turn Mario Party into a drinking game... which we have. Still not much of a drinker at all. Usually, drinking in public is expensive and in this current economic climate I just don't have the funds unless there is a damn good special at the bar. Further more it takes a lot to get me drunk. I'm a beast and so add expensive to a lot and I have two very solid reasons not to drink.
So there you have it Mom. Your son of whom you worry, isn't as bad a seed as you might have thought. Trust me when I say your parenting is well used. I have grown into a well adjusted young man with morals and scruples. I treat women with respect, I don't often over indulge, and I am a stead fast man for my friends. The life lessons you imparted on me are well used and implemented on a day to day basis. I may say things that rile you up. I may post things that get under your skin. Still to this day when I tell people why I am a good man and not a douchebag alcoholic it is you and dad that I credit for that. You raised me right and I assure you you will never have to worry about ending up on the Jerry Springer show with me screaming about how you screwed me up as a child. You raised me right and for that I thank you. Don't take me for what the pictures tell you I do all the time. I can safely admit my life is far more boring than that.
#thatisall
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