#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a serial monogamist

Aug 31

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jen. She's a graphic designer by day and a serial monogamist by night that lives across the pond in the UK. She's currently in a relationship of 8 years, and her dating record prior had been puddle jumps from 3 months here ... to 3 months there. These are her thoughts on life, love, and all things nerd. Hit it Jen!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jen Randall

Time after I time I read blogs by single girls looking for that perfect guy, wondering why Mr Right isn't banging their door down or why Mr So-Called-Right always ends up being Mr Couldn't-Have Been-More-Wrong. All I want to do is give them some advice. But, you know, it's not really my place to give that advice. I'm in a relationship, what do I know about being single, right?

Well I have been single before, and in my twenties, and it never really felt lonely when my friends were all in relationships, well at least not that kind of loneliness that makes you desperately want a relationship, and it most definitely never felt like it was the end of the world. The majority of people will live until they're in their 60s or 70s (but hopefully longer!) and so what's the rush to settle down? When you think you've met that special someone and you're only 21 do you realise how long forever is?

My main piece of advice for you, if you're single, lonely and looking is to simply stop looking. I really think it's that easy. Get to feel comfortable with yourself and Mr Right will just come knocking. More often than not people will tell you that they weren't looking for a relationship when they're found the love of their life, the one they have a lasting relationship with. It's one of the mysteries of the world, I'm sure!

When you stop looking the pressures disappear. You don't care so much about appearing perfect all of the time (clearly that isn't really a problem for some of us haha). You're more relaxed and don't look so uptight sitting at the bar waiting for your friends. You seem more approachable - so guys don't have to get wasted to gather enough courage to talk to you. Give guys a chance. Just because he looks like your ex doesn't mean he's a homicidal maniac, like your ex. Go out of your comfort zone and go on a date with a guy who isn't your usual type - he might surprise you!

When you drop the shield and aren't desperately looking to find a guy or you don't appear so sad about your circumstances fate will throw you a line. If you meet a guy in the "not looking" phase the odds of success will also be much higher. When you weren't specifically looking for something you wont be expecting the guy that popped up in a bar to call or text, so when he does it will be a welcomed surprise. You also wont obsess about when he's going to phone or if you did something wrong and that's why he hasn't texted you (seriously, you're date only ended 30 minutes ago!). If you don't act too keen it'll make him keener.

Just relax and enjoy your single life - you have forever to find someone to share things with, there's no point in rushing it!