#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after he cheated on her; they were together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Letters

Letter to Her
I wrote this letter over a month ago and must have completely pushed it out of my brain because it hurt so much. I was in a really deep, sad place. I just found it last night. I realize that my anger towards her isn’t exactly justified; that it should go into the anger I feel towards my ex but since when is jealously sane?

XXXX,

First off, I am well aware that it takes two. I also know that you owe me nothing. These facts do not help my anger.

He had many female friends over the course of 7 years. The difference and my mistake was that although I was good friends with all of them I wasn’t with you.

Instinct is an amazing thing. We’re so far removed from needing to use our instincts that when that voice inside whispers at us, we think we’re just being crazy. But I remember you texting him late at night when him and I were watching TV after work. I remember thinking, “Hey, I don’t text my male co-workers this late at night.” I thought texts after a certain time of night carried a different meaning. I had no reason to think of you differently than any other female friend, but a red flag went up inside of my head. I couldn’t explain the feeling.

He started talking about you a lot. Initially I wasn’t surprised. You guys work crazy-long hours. I even met and talked to you at a couple of parties.

At some point the friendship you guys had turned to more. Throw in alcohol and you’re making out with my fiancé in front of a shitty bar in Sherman Oaks.

Here’s what you didn’t have to do:

• Come to MY fucking house for our Halloween party. Let me watch him flirt with you in front of my face. Sit on my couch and take tons of pictures of yourself with my dog and post them on facebook.
  
  
•  Have sex with him somewhere in or around my apartment when I went of town. I still don’t know where. He tried to tell me some crap story about in your car in our carport. I guess I should be grateful you two waited until we were technically broken up, but again, that’s not your concern.

• Repeatedly lie to your ridiculously devoted boyfriend about all of it.
  
  
• Get surprised when we didn’t get married. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?

I think about how dramatically my life has changed in 8 months and how much how your life has stayed exactly the same. Your boyfriend doesn’t know what I know. You’re such a good manipulator that he didn’t believe me when I tried to tell him the truth back in November. Even after he told me that he was pretty sure you had done this before, slept with various other men in committed relationships, including a college professor. But he loves you, he loves you so much he’s willing to be ignorant. You are a horrible person and you have a man that loves you and stays by your side and I have no one. You manipulate him, getting him to allow you to be able to sleep with other women, convincing him that it’s not cheating if it’s with a girl. I never bothered to try and tell him what really happened between you and my fiancé since he didn’t believe me the first time. I’m over it and don’t even want the bad karma of ruining your life.

So I sit here on what should be the celebration of 8 years together, thinking of him and thinking of you. I feel so very, very alone. I AM alone today. I haven’t made contact with anyone other than strangers at Target and about two hours of conversation with my mom to keep me from hurting myself.

You are beyond lucky that your job didn’t have an HR department at the time. Anywhere else and you both would have been fired. Instead, you just got a promotion.

It’s people like you that make me hope and pray that Karma does in fact exist. I hope one day you can understand what you’ve put me through. That said, I’m so fucking scared of the day I see you in person. I honestly don’t know if I can stop myself from punching you in the face. Which scares me, because I’m not that kind of person.

But for you, I’ll make an exception.

- Julie

Letter to all women
While I’m on the topic of feeling betrayed by another woman let’s talk about The Girl Code.

Don’t laugh. I know that it doesn’t exist.

First, remember that some men will say anything to sleep with you, including telling you that she doesn’t mean anything, their sex life is non-existent, the relationship is dead or practically over. These things may even be true.

But since the fact that he’s with someone doesn’t matter to many and since so many of us seem to be unable to control ourselves I’m going to ask that The Girl Code contain just ONE thing ladies:

When you’re thinking of fucking that guy that you KNOW has a girlfriend/fiancée/wife that he lives with, do the girl you’re shitting on one small courtesy. Go back to your place. Or your mom’s. Or a damn truck stop. Wherever.

Just don’t fuck HER man on HER bed. Or HER couch. You’re doing enough. Does she really need to sleep in your sex?

Thanks,
Julie

#nerdsunite

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