#TrueStory: I was dumped by my fake internet boyfriend - Update!

Jul 10

DUDDESSSS!!! There's an update to the #TrueStory: I was dumped by my fake internet boyfriend. A good update ... a really good one. First off, if you haven't read the story click here to read. It's cool, I'll just sit here and twiddle my thumbs. Doop dee doo ... lah dee dah ...

K ... so because of that post, you guys were able to track down some accounts for me - one of them being photobucket. Well, just the other day there was a comment on the post asking whatever happened with this story - I then decided to revisit the photobucket account and found out that there was a new picture posted. This one had the title "Me" underneath it indicating that it was a personal photo.

Why is all of this sounding so dramatic and scandalous? Oh, because it was a female.

My fake internet boyfriend wasn't even a dude, it was a chick. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?! HAHAHAAHA thats hilarious.

I then decided to hit up the other chickadee that "dated" this person and here is our actual Facebook conversation.

<editorsnote> I have blocked her name out of privacy and respect. Dudes, this chick rocks and didn't deserve this. </editorsnote>

Yep, so my fake internet boyfriend wasn't even a boyfriend it was a girlfriend. Weird!!! I am neither here nor there on this story now. Have been for a while to be honest - this person was just kinda meh. As you guys have read, it was a pretty gnarly time for me 2007-2008. This person was just a companion. We talked for hours on the phone, and I dunno - that part didn't suck.

This story as bat shit as it is, is still something I have to take responsibility for. I played a part in this ... a big part.

I am not naturally predisposed to want to have intimate relationships with people - like at all.

As you all know, I grew up estranged from both sides of my family - was then stalked as a teen by my best friends, and when I was younger had a Dr. do some inappropriate things. So pretty much growing up everyone I should have been able to trust ended up betraying me in some capacity. I have one thing to say to all of these people ... SO WHAT!!!

Shit happens. And so it is. Today is my day, and it is my choice what I am going to do with it. I spent 24 years dwelling on so much, that now the idea of spending 24 micro seconds of it makes me wanna cringe - I wasn't happy. We ALLLLLLLLLLLL go through shit. So what.

What I am responsible for now is recognizing that this is a childhood trigger for me, and figure out what my next doable actions are in removing some of my walls and blocks to be more of an emotionally productive member of society. Dudes, I don't want to be single forever ... but this is a big block.

The chickadee even said it - she didn't want anyone getting too close to her either.

Ahem, birds of a feather!!!!!

I know for a fact for me it was self esteem problems that allowed so many of these whackadoodle noodle circumstances into my life - but now, it's so what. I KNOW I am worth it, but that took me a really long time to get. I've always been a loaner, and I've always just done my own thing. Now as an adult it has served me amazingly well - I have this brand which is my baby ... but I'm ready for more.

I'm ready to let love back into my heart, and to let love back into my life. But again, life is reflective - it starts with me.

My roomie totally hit the nail on the head the other day when we were at the Incubus concert. I was drooling over Brandon, and I said, yeah but I could never date a rocker. It would get old.

Without missing a beat she said, don't you think that's how guys think of you and your lifestyle?

I was impressed with her timing, delivery, and potential for being under 140 characters.

I did this. I choose to broadcast my life, and my experiences - but I'm doing it all in real time. There are no answers because I am still uncovering the questions. The thing I am most proud of however is that I am actively seeking. The documentation of my life has enabled me to psychoanalyze without emotion. It allows me to figure out my state of consciousness throughout the story telling, while also offering a therapeutic and cathartic release of it all as well.

It's bat shit ... but it's working. Had I not documented my OKC dates, I prolly wouldn't have been able to tie together that out of the 103 the 4 that I wanted more from were all emotionally unavailable in some capacity. That is HUGE. HUGE. HUGE!!

Coming from a chick that spent half of her life in and out of therapy ... why the hell didn't they tell me about some of these things?!?!? What in me was so afraid to speak up?!?!?!?!

I just want to thank you all again so so much for reading. This outlet has been the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I'm such a different person now, and excited for what the future holds. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you social mediaaaaa!!!! =) =) =)