#NerdsUnite: Online Dating ⎯ Pros. Cons. It's a Love/Hate Relationship

Jun 28

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman

Editor's Note: The name's Brian Freedman and I'm 24. Every morning I wake up & ask myself, "Why am I so amazing?" Then I spend my day thinking how I can best serve others. I love helping people, especially with their relationship questions. So ask away! It would be my honor to help.

I've tried dating through Craigslist, which as you know is free, but like they say, you get what you pay for. The problem for me is that all the women were ugly and/or overweight. I'm not a model chaser, but damn... Seriously. 1 out of 100 women were decent. It seemed like the only genuinely pretty ones were spam. So if a person just did Craigslist I could see how they could quickly become jaded that there's no one out there for them. And I'm not just saying this from a guy's perspective looking at the women. I checked the guys' ads and they were just as bad, if not worse. "I have no job, you need to drive and pay for me, and we can have TV dinners on my futon in my parents' basement! . . . You free this Saturday?"

I have also casually used eHarmony a couple times, and over at least six months I got, what... one? person. It seemed like a total waste of my time. My sister got a couple more than I did (she was 25 at the time) and she said most the guys they gave her were either gross or creepy. (P.S. I didn't pay, she did)

I recently joined OKCupid just to see what it was like, but since I'm not looking for a relationship right now I can't give you a clear perspective on whether or not it's worth it, though I feel Jen's already cornered the market on this one, ha ha. I do like how it mixes a bit of eHarmony with the psychological and everyday life questions but still allows you the freedom to search on your own, which makes finding a more compatible mate that much easier & enjoyable.

Some of the questions OKC asked did concern me, though. This one, for instance:

"Do you generally smile at kids who cross your path?"

WTF? Are you fo realz? I'm surprised there weren't follow-up questions, "If they smile back, do you offer them candy? And then invite them back to your 100% non-suspicious van?" Seriously, are they trying to weed out the pedophiles here or what?

One reason people may hate online dating is because they are a bit more dating purists, in where they believe love should be a magical element that just happens on a bus or across the room.

Using technology to quantify and break down love into a math formula is just so . . . unromantic.

"Hey girl, we have 7 out of 10 similar qualities. Let's start makin' some babies." Either that or they're jaded by bad search results and/or a date that went awry and didn't turn out exactly as they hoped. (i.e. his profile pic was from 100 years and pounds ago)

Online dating is popular because people are becoming increasingly "busy" with the their lives since America has collectively decided to become ADHD. Besides, if you can take some of the supernatural guessing out of the equation of finding a life partner, all the better! It's honestly a lot less stressful. Plus the fact if you see a profile you like you say, "Hey, you're cute" and if they ignore you, who cares? If you are in a club and say, "Hey, you're cute" and they reject you, it becomes not only awkward but painful. Rejection is hard. Rejection hurts. How many blows to the ego can one take before giving up?

Online dating desensitizes rejection to a degree, which is one of its tremendous advantages.

"You don't like me? That's cool. Maybe one of these other 20 guys' profiles will find me interesting."

You are given the power (in some sites) to search through all the crap to find the people you genuinely find interesting. You gain a sense of who this person is, what they want out of life and thus, increases your chances at love. In the real world (you know, with sunlight and trees) the only thing you have to go on is what people look like. You don't know if they volunteer at puppy mills on the weekend or are allergic to them. Online dating easily empowers the user to weed through those whom they don't want in order to hone in and find out more about the people they potentially could see themselves with for the rest of their lives.