#NerdsUnite: Friends With Benefits- Seven years too long
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Brian Freedman
Editor's Note: Nerds, meet Brian Freedman!! He is 24, and has spent over four years answering men and women's relationship questions through various sites. He also loves some comedy, so he combined the two into a web series called Spitfire where he answers relationship topics, with humor ⎯ new videos every 1st & 15th. Go watch. youtube.com/ImBrianFreedman. If you don't like 'em, he'll bake you pie. Mmmm... piiiiiiieeee. K. That is all.
I’m not talking about when a friends with benefits has run its course and it’s time to move on. In that case, you have the choice to break up or choose to be an actual “couple” (I know, Friends-With-Benefitians consider that world as evil as he who shall not be named... (i.e. The Situation. NEVER speak of that turd of an excuse for a celebrity). Anywho, the topic today kiddies is if you’re in a makeshift relationship with someone, how long before that becomes something real ⎯ with a title and everything? When does FWB become a relationship?
Friends with benefits allows each party to not commit. It’s a non-committal enabler, if you will. (and if you won’t... uhh... I can’t really continue on if you won’t.. so I’ll just act like a woman and hear what I want to hear. “You said you will!? GREAT!”). A question I was reading that stirred this piece was how a woman was in a FWB (which, by the way, does not stand for Fat White B*tches or Fruit-flavored Wallpaper ⎯ Brilliant!) and she was with this guy for seven years!! I know! You figured they were a couple by then.
But nope, still no,
Girl: “Oh, he’s my adorable boyfriend.” And
Guy: “Yep, that’s my girl.”
No, instead all you get is the same,
Girl: “Oh, he’s my frustrating, sexy guy friend who won’t commit yet pounds me like no other.” And
Guy: “Yep, that’s a girl I love being with, probably even love her, but she expects me to settle down with such an amazing chick?? F-that! Priorities baby.”
It’s so fascinating. No, not how Kim Kardashian is considered talented. You’re with someone, literally for years, and they can’t commit. To be fair, girls can be just as wishy washy when it comes to matters of the heart, but honestly, let’s be real: guys are more likely to run at the sight of a ring, or banana nut bread (referencing the new love sitcom “Love Bites”).
It seems today that a woman’s only options are to be with a man who can commit, but will eventually cheat on her, or for those who can’t be claimed as her-one-and-only, only want benefits. You know how jobs give you health benefits, dental, medical, etc.? Relationships should be the same way. The benefits are yours when you gladly say to the world you’re in a relationship (a tweet will suffice). I’m not opposed to Freeing Willy’s Boundaries, but I feel it’s best they don’t last longer than a year or so for fear of either party getting too attached (particularly women ⎯ damn oxytocin), only to have their heart broken.
Friends with benefits can be fun and fine for a short period of time. But it is not a realistic path to a happy, successful, loving relationship. Sure there are cases it can happen, but that’s why I said a realistic path. After a year or two, you two have to agree to commit or break up. For nothing else, do it out of respect of your own spiritual & emotional well-being. If you want better, you have to set higher standards. If you’re not okay with a guy being your partner without the title, then speak up, stand your ground. You have a right to happiness in your love life.
#nerdsunite
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