#NerdsUnite: Sensuality and Finger Play
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
It starts fairly innocently; as we continue talking, our arms settle next to one another’s, touching. I resist the urge to break contact and we remain that way for what seems like an eternity. Up until that point, the conversation was fairly casual. However, I couldn’t stop looking deeply into her eyes and at her beautiful skin. I finally decide to take a small risk; I put out my hand palm up in an expecting way. Without words, she knew, she was compelled to place her hand into mine. I hold her hand as our conversation becomes slower and more personal. My fingers almost without conscious control begin to stroke her fingers and her fingers respond in kind. Moments pass and staring into her eyes becomes too much; I lean in to kiss her.
Sensuality is more than being sexual. Most men see escalation as talking, kissing, then sex. The problem is that there are intermediary steps that most men don’t know how to do. Creating a level of intimacy and sensuality without being sexual is an important step.
Escalation is not a ladder to be climbed literally going step by step; it is a dance, an improvisation that in fact is one of the most beautiful creative experiences that two people can share. And just like any art form, there is a medium; that medium is sensuality. For me, I find that sensuality has three components: the tone and rhythm of your voice, sustained eye contact, and touching. The first two are things that are best taught in person with someone leading you through what comes off creepy and what is sensual. However, in this article I want to focus on a certain kind of touching; I call it “Finger Play.”
Have you ever seen a baby experience the world around him? The first step after seeing what he wants is to go touch it. After touching it, there it goes, straight into the mouth. I have a similar experience with breasts Seriously though, I think we often discount how powerful a sensation it is to touch with our hands and to have our hands touch someone else’s hands. For most people, intimate touch starts with the hands and the mouth. Kissing is the obvious beginning of that. However, before we go in for the kiss, more intimacy should be established. One way is to start with holding and touching each other’s hands.
To initiate finger play, I start with some incidental touch. Our arms or legs at some point usually touch accidentally. From there I just don’t pull away. If she pulls away, then I continue creating a connection through our conversation and let it happen again in a bit. After a few minutes of incidental touch, I put my hand out palm up toward her expecting her to put her hand in my hand. This almost never fails; if there is any amount of comfort built between you she will put her hand in yours. From there, hold her hand for a minute or two and then start playing with her fingers, caressing and touching them.
Creating a level of sensuality is an important step in escalation for men. Using finger play on the way to being more sexual and intimate, kissing, etc, will help you create a smoother transition from talking into something more.
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