#JustDoIt: Embrace Your Humanity and Let Her See Your Vulnerability
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
Have you ever had that situation happen to you? You know, the one where you are with someone you are really into, and you do something RETARDED? You know, falling out of bed while trying to be seductive; pushing so hard she actually falls when you’re playing around; stuttering when you first meet her until you get your head together. I’ve heard this happen so often, and it always makes me laugh when I hear it. They’ll get all flustered and red and ask why I’m laughing when they just messed everything up. But the reality is, it could have messed everything up, but more likely than that, it made the girl fall just a little bit more for them.
I had a friend who told me that every woman wants a man who has a side that only she gets to see. A side that only she can unlock, like there is something special about her that opens a door her man keeps painfully closed to everyone else. And then there is the flip side of that, the man who is calm and collected, smooth and powerful, and loses it all because of her stunning beauty and personality. You can see this in any movie where there is a guy who is amazingly attractive, where he is reduced to a stammering mess in his love interest’s presence. Think Hitch, where he kicks the girl on the Jet-ski, or walks around drunk on medicine spilling his life secrets.
So what is it that makes these embarrassing, powerless moments so appealing to a woman? The answer is humanity. Women know when they see a man, especially a well dressed, confident, well spoken man, a perfect man, that he must have flaws. Then when that man expresses interest, they feel like he is too good for them, until something happens that exposes his humanity, something that shows them that their Achilles is mortal after all. This then allows them to connect with the man on a deeper level, because he is now human. To women, it is endearing, and builds a stronger connection.
Vulnerabilities or weaknesses are not, in and of themselves, unattractive. It is the way a man reacts to exposing his vulnerability that determines the attractiveness. I always consider it to be like a knight exposing the chink in his armor because he knows that even if it gets hit, he will be all right. If you are comfortable showing your vulnerabilities to your woman (from a place of power), she will connect more deeply with you. It gives you more in common; it shows her that you too can be shaken, just like her, but that it will never make you topple. But even more than that, it’s something special that not everyone gets to see. For 99% of your life, you are totally put together, in charge, a social powerhouse, but only she gets to see the moment where you stand with your mouth open watching your flambe explode all over your freshly cleaned kitchen, and the subsequent smirk on your face afterward, when you suggest the new Tappas restaurant you found.
Most guys think they have to be perfect, say the perfect lines, have the perfect witty retort, stand with perfect poise, play the perfect game. But, what they are missing is that strength is not the absence of vulnerability, but rather the ability to stand in spite of it. So they ruin things with amazing women by running perfect robotic game, or by stressing themselves out when it does not all go as planned. But then some realize the power of letting your true self shine through when their lover tells them that she fell in love when she saw the look on his face when he saw that the restaurant he was taking her to had been replaced with a Wendy’s.
I guess what I am saying here is don’t be afraid to let her in. Give her the gift of seeing who you really are, in success and failure, so that you can truly connect. Most guys miss this step, and keep women out of their inner circle and wonder why they never feel connected. Try it, and you will see just how deeply you connect when both of you are present to the other’s humanity.
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