#Fact: Sex and human contact are needs and not something we should be afraid of

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

What: You’re about to approach a woman and suddenly you’re overcome with a creepy, paralyzing feeling.

Emotion: The feeling is a blend of irrational fear, disappointment, and frustration. Often there’s a little anger in there too.

Inner Monologue: You believe that if you approach her, she’ll KNOW you’re interested in her even before you open your mouth, because you approached. And after you open your mouth and try to start a conversation she’ll be CERTAIN that you’re interested in her, because you’re trying to start something up with her. THEN the worst will happen: your cover will be blown. She’ll know you’re interested in her and probably think you just approached her because you want to have sex with her, just like all the other guys.

Are you a closet heterosexual?

Believe it or not, your inner monologue has some very useful elements in it, so let’s break it down, keep the good stuff, and remove all the crap that keeps you holed up in your studio apartment eating spaghetti with chopsticks surfing the internet for porn.

Let’s throw it in reverse.
The last thing you felt was “She’ll know you’re interested in her and probably think you just approached her because you want to have sex with her, like all the other guys.”

Well, you wouldn’t be considering approaching her unless you wanted to have sex with her, would you? This is actually a good thing. The fact that you saw a woman you wanted to have sex with and you decided to approach her to find out if those relations would be a possibility is exactly what you should be doing. A sex drive is built into every healthy man and woman and is nothing to be ashamed of. Without it, the human race would die off. There are many ways that this fog of fear, shame, and embarrassment associated with your sex drive might have been created. One possible explanation is that it happened early in life, before you had the proper reasoning skills to understand that NEEDS are NORMAL.

A long time ago, when you were very small and your life was centered on your needs (primarily your needs for love, company, and food), you probably felt a moment of inevitable disappointment. It happens to all of us. It might have been because you did not receive a feeding exactly when you needed it, or you might have been left alone to sleep when you didn’t want to. At some point, your immature brain drew conclusions that have stuck with you to this day. Your undeveloped sense of reason made you believe that the discomfort caused by not having your needs met was CAUSED by the fact that you HAVE needs. You might then have drawn the conclusion that needs are bad because they can lead to discomfort. You then decided that the best thing to do is NOT TO HAVE NEEDS AT ALL, or at least not to show them, and not to act on them.

How can you tell if you made these connections between NEEDS and BAD early in life? Pay attention next time you catch yourself thinking “I don’t need a woman” or “I don’t need anyone” or “I don’t want her to KNOW I’m interested.” We all have needs and wants. Some of those needs are sexual, and that’s okay.

So how do you come out of the closet?

1. Don’t try to hide or stop having sexual NEEDS.
2. Transform your NEEDS into WANTS. A baby has needs. A man has WANTS.
And when a man wants something, he goes out and gets it.

If there’s some part of your wants you don’t know how to get, congratulations. You’ve already taken the first step by reading this post.

To learn more about how to meet & attract women, check out the Toolbox over at http://www.pickuppodcast.com/best

#nerdsunite