#TrueStory: I Hate Tarantino
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JFuckingC
First and foremost, I love movies. A lot. I worked at a dvd store just to talk shop to customers who also knew their movie shit. During trivia games, anytime a movie round comes up I get a cocky smirk on my face 'cause whoever i'm competing with that round is about to get seriously fucked up. I LOVE movies, however I can not stand anything Quentin Tarantino has ever directed...because it's fucking bullshit.
People praise Tarantino for his writing talent and the edgy characters and their long winded dialogue. Sure that's neat, he can write, i'm doing that write now (typing, really), in fact I've been able to write since I was a lil kid, hooray! The problem I'm addressing is that every edgy and unique character that he writes sounds exactly like Tarantino, just outta' a different mouth, obviously. (i'll get to the fact that i think he's a dirty sexual deviant later, lets go through his movies real quick for reference.)
Reservoir Dogs: Six criminals, who are strangers to each other, are hired by a crime boss to carry out a diamond robbery. Great plot for a movie, everyone lovest a heist flick though no one ever sees the heist. What we're treated to is a meeting in a diner where six foul mouthed strangers (who all speak like Tarantino) are bitching about Madonna. Then after the shit hits the fan, we're treated to six more strangers now in a warehouse killing each other off slowly muttering even more Tarantino word vomit. Best example, the diner: "Lemme tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about this cooze who's a regular fuck machine, I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick."
Pulp Fiction: For the most part this movie was pretty groovy, if only they'd left out Uma Thurman. She brought nothing to this movie but it's a known fact that Tarantino has a serious obsession with her. I did have a problem with his character in this movie complaining how "storing dead [black expletives] ain't his fuckin job", then it turns out he's married to a woman of color. Kinda pissed me off, his double standard there. The rape scene goes on longer than necessary (we're getting closer to his sexual issues), but those negative points aside, i will say this is his only movie I enjoyed. I know this is a "I hate him piece", but...movin on.
Jackie Brown: This movie was ok. I'll just leave it alone I guess, though i have lots to say...i'd rather not paint myself in such light.
Kill Bill Vol 1 & 2: Kung-fu references aside, every damn character speaks the same! The Deadly Vipers, Bill, the pervert orderly and the sex offender (more sexual issues), all clearly sound like Tarantino is wearing different masks and just playing each character as himself. Not good movies. "As I lay in the back of Buck's truck, trying to will my limbs out of entropy, I could see the faces of the cunts that did this to me and the dicks responsible" Yo Tarantino, get the hell outta Uma's body! ...ugh, even worse is he's working on a Vol 3...
Grindhouse: Planet Terror was an amazing zombie movie for a few reasons such as Tarantino didn't write it, he didn't direct it, and he's killed while trying to rape a one legged stripper (sexual issues). He DID direct/write Deathproof, and what a piece of shit that was. A whole movie dedicated to a car chase, and not even a good one. But we do get plenty more of his clever and colorful racial dialogue "Black men and a whole lota' mother fuckin' white men have had plenty fun adoring my ass. I don't wear their teeth marks on my butt for nothing."
Inglorious Basterds: I could go on scene for scene about why i didn't like this movie (other than Hitler bein gunned down beautifully) because this movie is just scene after scene of long winded boring needless dialogue. If i'm gonna sit down and watch an alternate history about killing nazis than damnit the body count better be epic. To his credit, he didn't do anything sexually perverse in this movie, but he did bore me to death, doesn't anyone else remember the scene with the Nazi officer on the farmstead drinking milk? I dozed off there too.
I've been referencing a few times to what I believe is some form of perversion with this 'tard of a man, so here we go!
- Reservoir Dogs: "Her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her it hurts"
- From Dusk Till Dawn: his character often thinks the minor they've taken hostage is asking him to perform sexual acts on her, luckily he's killed after offering to buy a young boy a lap dance from a vampire stripper (awesome).
- Desperado: He doesn't do anything sexual perverse, but he does joke about pissing all over the bar before getting shot in the face (awesome).
- Planet Terror: He's listed in the credits as "The Rapist", a role i'm sure he chose for himself if you haven't noticed the trend yet. "He's getting his dick wet, Sir."
So if i haven't made it clear yet, I dont' feel he's all that clever or a writer. He enjoys making racial remarks in his movies that would make ME blush. None of his characters ever discern themselves from each other, and with that fact...rewatch his movies and just imagine a bunch of Tarantino clones talking to each other and you'll get what I mean AND FINALLY, now that i've pointed out his interest in playing rapists/sexual predators it kinda speaks ill of his choice of roles.
But then again, maybe i'm wrong. Tweet me and lemme know what you think: @JFuckingC