Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (What you said, what I read)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines
Filling out an online dating profile is an intimidating task for some. Typically, we don’t wear our heart on
our sleeves for strangers. Many people withhold information even from the people they consider a pal
and a confidant.
Sure, if you threw a party and invited everyone you know, the biggest gift would be from me because
I’m an asshole that likes to show up all your friends and prove I’m a big shot. Nevermind that it was just
a hand-me-down Snuggie that I put in a giant box.
When we fill out a profile for the entire world to see, and one that also requires pictures of yourself
that guarantee you can’t be entirely anonymous, there’s always going to be a certain level of “Oh My
God, is this stupid? How much should I say about myself? What should I say?” because many of us fear
rejection even from people that we will never even know exist.
I get that.
I have a fear of rejection from strangers as well. It makes no sense that I would write for several blogs
because I am in constant doubt that I’m any good at it. I feel rejection constantly because I am always
putting myself out there and I admit that it’s difficult for a person with my personality to also be a
person that posts on websites daily, “This is me. This is my style. I really hope you like it.”
Even when I write about sports, I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve. The content will not always be
important to everyone, but the style is critical to me.
It’s no different when you go to OkCupid or any other dating website and say, “This is me. This is
my style. I really hope you like it.” Maybe you don’t care if people don’t like you, but I think almost
everybody appreciates it when someone shows that they do. Not necessarily in a like-like way, but even
just “Hey, you’re cool.” That always feels good.
So, many people are guarded online. They don’t put up a full-on force field, because you still have
to show who you are, but there’s usually semblance of writing not only what you want to say about
yourself but what you want other people to hear.
Because of this, there’s a certain amount of “reading between the lines” when looking at an online
profile. It’s not just about what a person says, its about what it says to you. These little details are
paramount in deciding what a person will think of you both consciously and subconsciously.
People are interesting. Online people are interesting. Part of the reason I like OkCupid is that it allows
me to “meet” a lot of people in a short amount of time and I don’t even have to get out of bed. It’s sort
of like being a $2 whore in the old west.
Here are a few examples of what a girl’s profile said, but most importantly, what I read. I’m not
the “online dating expert to end all experts,” but I am a typical, mostly-normal guy on OkCupid. This is
what a guy could be thinking if he reads the following excerpts on a girl’s profile. Umm… Hit it me!
What You Said:
What I Read:
“I like drama.”
Whether or not you are being sincere, it doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you used the
word “drama” in the Very. First. Sentence. of your profile. What daaaa???? I’ve already associated you
with drama and not very many guys run to the hills for drama. Just the fact that you used drama from
the get-go as a “I DON’T LIKE DRAMA” tells me that you are constantly in relationships where you’re
dealing with drama and you’re sick of it. Again, that you are constantly in relationships where you’re
dealing with drama. Of course you are sick of drama in your relationships just like I am sick of all my
relationships being fantasies with the girl in the T-Mobile commercial. It would be safe to not use words
that are red flags, just like it would be safe for me to keep my fantasies to myself until an actual, in-
person encounter at least.
What You Said:
What I Read:
“If you don’t like my profile, it’s only because I don’t know how to fill out profiles. Who cares if I can’t fill
out a profile?! Get off me! …. I’m not super confident.”
The interesting thing is that everything after that sentence is a fine, normal profile. The first line could
just be an attempt at an ice-breaker like “Ha! We are both here, isn’t that funny?!” which is also super
common, but I’m not sure why it’s necessary.
As I was saying before, people tend to get nervous that they’ll be rejected by strangers and I tend to
feel the same way. But that doesn’t stop me from letting myself get rejected by strangers because I
know that in the long run it won’t matter at all. I mean, what happens next week on Real Housewives of
Delaware matters more than a person that you’ll never meet deciding that they didn’t like your profile.
Most of the time you’ll never even know that a person didn’t like the 1,000 words you said about
yourself!
The rest of her profile is sincere and funny but sadly it all starts with a statement lacking confidence.
Also, this is a “One Picture Profile” which is another sign that, “I’m not confident” or “I don’t want it to
be known that I’m here.” Well, if you think it’s shameful to be online dating, then you’re saying that I
should be ashamed. I’m not ashamed. Not of this. I’m ashamed of my hair doll collection, but not of
this.
What You Said:
What I Read:
“I’m really fucking awesome... Still girly… old school youtube quote..”
Confident, funny, brings back memories of a time I laughed at Unforgiveable, shows that she isn’t shy
and on top of that she still exhibits a soft-side by saying “I have a huge heart.” Winner Winner Chick-fil-
A Dinner.
What You Said:
What I Read:
“Hit the back button and look for another profile. I’ve got nothing to say about myself.”
This is her whole profile plus three pics. People who have short profiles that say nothing about
themselves will get no attention from me. That probably doesn’t bother any of those girls and it
probably doesn’t stop them from getting endless messages based on pictures, but I’m a guy that needs
something to go off of. I’m not just looking to bang (not opposed to it! WINK WINK) so you’ve got to
interest me somewhat.
Message you and “ask you anything”? LIKE WHAT?!
“Hey give me a self-summary of yourself, and six things you could never do without and you know… fill
out your profile for me here in this message!”
When I message a girl I do ask her questions, but I’m always going off of information in the profile!
Because I had a reason to message her. Your pictures (especially three self-taken face pics, not pics of
you doing something interesting) don’t spark a single bit of interest. I go to OkCupid to meet interesting
people, not to create quizzes designed specifically for one person based off of nothing. If I want to go in
blindly before talking to a girl, I’ll go to a bar. (And get above the legal limit first.)