#NerdsUnite: I just graduated college!! But um, now what? (I Have a Confession To Make...)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. She recently just graduated from SDSU and is now entering the world with a fresh pair of eyes in a stinky economy. In these series of posts she will discuss her thoughts and discoveries as she ventures out into the real world. Hit it Meg!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MegCorbs 
I'm sorry TNTML community but there is a big part of my life I have been keeping from you. While insanely open about it in person I've been hesitant to put it out into the inter webs because it is so deeply personal to me (and I know how trolls work haha). But with the new year I want to start fresh and hopefully help people that are/were/might be going through the same thing as me.
So here goes nothing:
My name is Megan Corbett and I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder with underlying Depression, Panic Disorder and ADD.
I'm a big bag of fun, huh? ;)
While the depression was a HUGE part of my life (most of high school) I want to focus on the anxiety aspect because I know it hasn't been touched on too much here. If you have any questions about my depression though, feel free to tweet me (@MegCorbs). I'm ALWAYS here to help.
Anyways, back to my story. I've always been a little….skittish, for lack of a better term. I HATED going anywhere by myself. My family used to make fun of me because I would start crying if they made me order pizza (I hated talking to someone I didn't know and was constantly afraid of making an ass of myself).
This was all little stuff and because I was relatively sheltered it was never really noticeable. When my depression came on it my made my anxiety explode (the two usually go hand in hand…fun huh?) This was shown most in my STRONG opposition to getting my license.
I ended up waiting until I was 18 and absolutely HAD to because I was leaving for college in a matter of weeks. I used to get into intense screaming matches with my mom who didn't get why I didn't want to drive. To this day, nothing gives me more anxiety than driving, which is good times when you live in LA and have no choice but to drive everywhere.
At this time I had not experienced the loveliness that is the Panic Attack (that is to come in my next post) but definitely felt the physical aspects this disorder was taking on my body.
I was tense ALL THE TIME. I remember at 10 years old, my aunt who was a pediatrician was freaking out when she felt how tense I was in my back and this was at freaking TEN YEARS OLD!
WIth the tenseness comes the stomach aches. It feels like you have food poisoning that you can't get ride of. I would literally double over in pain and was too unaware of the situation to put two and two together. This also led to sweating issues. Sexy I know. I ALWAYS had pit stains so I would wear sweaters over everything. Which you know is needed when you live in sunny Southern California ;).
But the bitch of all the physical issues was definitely the insomnia. I cried multiple multiple times because I was exhausted but couldn't fall asleep due to my racing mind. 
The physical issues had NOTHING on the mental ones. Worrying all the time, stressing, expecting the worse, etc. You can't shut your mind of or focus on something else if your life depended on it and there was ALWAYS something to stress about. Not just normal stuff like tests and fighting with friends but literally EVERYTHING. Even things I had no control over like random stuff going on with family or scenarios I would create in my mind. I was the queen of What If's.
Oh and then there were the tears, because of everything I just mentioned I was always on edge and easily set off. Basically, I cried a lot. Not at school or in public but man could I unleash when I got home. I would dive deep into my bed under tons of blankets and cry out my frustrations.
I didn't talk to anyone about what was going on in my mind because honestly pre-college I didn't know how to put it into words and more importantly know and understand that having insane anxiety can actually be a disorder.
The only thing that comforted me during all of this was burying myself in a book (hence my love of reading today). I could escape into someone else's world and drama even if only for a minute.
Next up: It gets REALLY interesting during my college years and the drama that was my very first panic attack.
Special thanks to @jenfriel @themayorpete @itsmejoolie @mymelodie @edgarva11es @thecraftafarian @anthalus @redheadintexas @thirstygirlfilm for encouraging me while I was writing this post. I love you all insane amounts!
#nerdsunite
Click here to follow Megan on twitter!
Want to take it out of 140 characters? Email: Mcorbett10@gmail.com