#NerdsUnite: Confessions of a Ginger
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Layne. I forget how we first started talking ... I think it was on twitter, and then we totes became besties on Facebook, and then we started reading each other's blogs and like commenting and like and like and like ... this chick is RAD annndd she's a ginger. No, seriously. Welcome to the world of Layne and the thoughts that are inside of her head. HIT IT GIRL! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Layne Tanley
I in no way label myself a "gamer" since I am still an amateur, at best. I can't run in a straight line in any non side scrolling video game. No, seriously. It's a problem. I do love video games, but I only play games based on the following criteria:
1. Is it a side scroller?
If yes, play.
If no, continue to question 2.
2. How important is running in a straight line?
If not important, play.
If very important, do not play.
If unknown, continue to question 3 or watch demo/someone else play first for further data.
3. How important is running in a straight line at top speed?
If not important or mildly important, giv'r a go.
If important, do not play.
In the case of my all time favorite non-side scrolling video game(s), Fatal Frame, the main character can't move very quickly, and your weapon is a camera. Also, it takes approximately 14 seconds to open and walk through any door. So, standing still is how you spend a large portion of the game play. I love Katamari. I adore Okami. I play the shit out of Legos anything, because I find the entire concept and camp behind that franchise to be amusing and the overall game play is basic enough that my poor steering abilities do not matter. Also, the fact that when weaponless, several characters have the ability to slap someone to death is hilarious.
I play lots of games that fit the criteria, and believe me I have tried to play games where running in a straight line is super important… it's never pretty. Ask my boyfriend about trying to teach me how to play World of Warcraft. I only made it to level 9 with my blood elf hunter, "nowyrhangrs" (Mommy Dearest, anyone?), before my inability to FIGURE IT OUT resulted in a very unceremonious flounce (if you don't know what a flounce is, please google it!). Now I add "if the number of important buttons exceeds what you'd find on a PS2 controller", as a do not play to my above criteria.
True story: my college roomy and I used to play Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX in our dorm room, screaming at the tiny TV perched on top of the dresser, while trying to complete challenges via co-op. I did a lot of the jumps and flips, and she did anything that required being able to move in a straight line or balance (grinds, stalls). Other stuff we'd split up, trade off, whatever. It was a team effort. During any one of our epic sessions, we would be interrupted at least once by a fellow dorm dweller, inquiring if we were okay, and she was only checking because she heard some shouting, and what the hell does "grinding the bend" mean? When they saw the cause of all the noise, they'd either look at us like we were from mars, or ask if they could join us.
I remember the glazed over look guys would give us when we'd admit to our obsession, that look of girls who play video games? They DO exist! When we moved into an apartment for sophomore year, we had an NES and about 30 games, so there were always boys knocking on our door, asking if they could play Contra or Super Mario 3. Good times.
It was also sophomore year of college that I discovered the Sims. I was OBSESSED with that game. I had every single expansion pack. Then when the Sims 2 came out, I specifically purchased a computer to play it, and almost died of a vitamin D deficiency. Now, I play Sims 3. I am a diehard fan of the Sims, and not just because running in a straight line is not required, but the creation aspect of the game is pretty addictive. (Read also: I may or may not have a smidgen of a God Complex.)
Then, there was my Star Wars phase. I loved and played all things related to Star Wars. Battlefront was probably my favorite, and while I desperately tried to be a badass at Bounty Hunter, there was a lot of importance on running in a straight line, so I had to stop playing that game in order to reduce my risk of an aneurysm.
Over the years, I've played games less and less, but I still really enjoy them. I grew up with video games, I still have my GameBoy and my Game Gear (the blue one!), and my boyfriend has the big 3 consoles (PS3, xbox360, Wii), so I get some good rolling crap up with my katamari in as well as my Lego-whatever fix.
Sometimes I think about what it will be like to play video games 20 years from now. When I think about how far things have come in the last 30, it boggles my mind. Hopefully, they'll figure out how to keep this nerd running in a straight line without much effort, otherwise, I may end up the only person on the planet still trying to figure out how to get past level 3 of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for Game Gear.
#nerdsunite
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