#NerdsUnite: The secret life of a veterinary technician
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Lindsay. She and I met ... well, somewhere in the social space. I think we might have started talking through this site directly, then through facebook - maybe ... I'm not sure. But she's awesome. I talk to her on twitter almost every day, and she's really rad and TOTALLY a big huge animal lover. Like crazy huge!! In these series of posts she will be talking about her life and random adventures with sometimes more than two legged creatures. I guess there's only one more thing left to say ... HIT IT LINDSAY!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @TheCraftafarian
Hey there! It's been one of those weeks for me. Just kinda crummy. No real reason, just life is getting to me. Don't get me wrong, life is actually good. I've been walking the dogs more, trying to do more yoga, eating better. The most frustrating thing is when I'm sad or bummed out for no apparent reason. This is something I've been dealing with for almost 15 years.
Let me give you a bit of a back story.
I have been dealing with depression/chemical imbalance/whatever they feel like calling it that year since I was a kid. My parents and I weren't aware of it at the time. I thought what I was feeling was normal. My parents (when I say my parents that means my Mom and Step dad, my Dad is referred to as my Dad. Even though he is just as much of a parent and perhaps more supportive but this is how I refer to them) just thought I was being a teenager and going through a long angry phase. It's hard to remember a lot from back then, I remember having strange thoughts when I was or young as 11 or 12. Things like it wouldn't really matter if I were gone and I wish it would all just be over. I remember having such a difficult time dealing with any emotions. Things that were just crummy became devastating. Empathy was extremely difficult to deal with at this time. I would cry for no reason, tears would just well up in my eyes as a knot would catch my throat. I remember screaming at my mother I didn't know why I acted and felt this way. I would be sent to my room in which I would sit on my bed and cry and remind myself why I needed to stay in this world. My dad needed me, my brothers, the pets. That was all I needed sometimes to pull back from the brink.
I believe part of the reason my Dad and I never really fought (oh PS-It's hereditary, I'm like this weird little female copy of my dad, less cynical and more squishy, but we can finish each others sentences sometimes, its creepy) anymore was he sat me down after a big screaming match when I was like 11 and reasoned with me. He said since we didn't get to spend much time together (joint custody) that its silly to fight and argue and we should just enjoy the time we have together, we never fought again. EVER. But see, its like he knew/knows how to get through to me. Because I'm a mini-me, er him. Whatever.
Flash forward to high school. Still having issues with parents. At this point my Dad and I lost touch (he moved out of state due to financial reasons). I started dating. God that was horrible. Haha. Massive mood swings and major depression disorder is not a good time for high school. Especially when you work two jobs to keep yourself out of the house AND go to school in a different city for a magnet program. That was lame but some of the experiences I wouldn't give up.
The guy I'm dating Senior year of high school I am still sorta seeing on and off first year of college. I have a major nervous breakdown and he tells me that he thinks I need help. I agree to go see the school shrink and personal counselor. Around this time I found my dad and we got back in touch. This is 2003, I am prescribed effexor and trazadone. Throughout the few years I was seeing a psychiatrist I was put on a number of drugs in combination with one another. Here's the list and I was not on all these at the same time but a few were prescribed as a "cocktail". Effexor, Risperdall, trazadone, prozac, abilify, zoloft, xanax. Weeee. Gosh there was another one, surprised I can't remember?
Currently I only take Prozac (generic) and that was finally by my request. I have no idea if this is the correct medication but its the one I've had the least amount of lasting side effects from and I wasn't getting much help from my doctors at the time. I've spent parts of my life staring into space as my body adjusted to the medications, sleeping for hours upon hours, puking my guts out due to drug combos, and god knows what else. This stuff can be really strong. The reason they first started playing with my drug cocktail was when I maxed out on effexor dose.
I gave up talking to counselors and shrinks. It doesn't work for me. But I will say however that I absolutely need to be on medication for the rest of my life. I have tried to wean off them and its just not worth it. At this point I truly believe I have a chemical imbalance that needs to be regulated with my meds. I still have bad days and good days, but so does everyone. Granted my bad days may be worse than some I haven't found myself thinking those terrible thoughts in many many years. Currently I just have my prozac filled by my general doctor and I don't have to see a psychiatrist, if I ever need my medication changed or increased I will probably have to go through all that bullshit.
It was a long journey and its something that I will always have to battle but staying positive is one of the most important ways to combat it. Another big part for me was my pets, they needed me to be ok to take care of them. And in turn they kept me company and made me smile.
Just because my experience with therapy, medications, and this medical condition were less than ideal doesn't mean that everyone's experience will be the same. I highly encourage you to seek out help if you feel you may need it. Research all your medications, their interactions with one another, and get a second opinion if you are able. If you are a student and your college has a student health center you may be able to get very affordable mental health care. Please please please seek out help if at least to get you started.
Some people need medications and some don't, part of the problem is some doctors push drugs without diagnosing.
And if anyone ever needed to talk please please reach out, believe me, I have been there. I know and understand the feeling.
<3 Lindsay @thecraftafarian
blog: http://craftafarian.blogspot.com
email: craftafarian@gmail.com
PS--One super cute thing I get to deal with lately is this cuddly almost 7 week old kitten!! He brings a smile to my face, when he's not trying to climb up my leg like I'm a tree....
