Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (Thanksgiving edition)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines
People often go on dates and judge their dating partner on how they did, whether it was a first or second date, or something much more serious. You know what you’re looking for, or you at least you think you might, but the focus is still generally outward.
What people often don’t do is focus that attention inward. They rarely ask themselves, “Okay, but how did I do? Was I interesting? Was I kind, rude, funny, obnoxious, attentive, honest, serious, or interesting?” Potentially, a person might spend some of their time doing this during the date, but most of the reflection comes afterwards. When you’re in the moment, you’re in that moment. You’re not focused at the time on what you’re doing because hopefully you’re just acting natural.
I think that a lot of people consider themselves a good date that might have an impossible time finding an equal match of good datiness (DAY-tee-Ness) and so if that’s the case, what are you waiting for? You’ve found the perfect match and he or she is standing right in front of you. In the mirror that is. Don’t be afraid to “Date Yo’ Self” (Yes, Parks and Rec homage) because afterall, aren’t you awesome?
There are a lot of social stigmas that seem to exist that say you are being weird if you go out with yourself. For a long time, I would feel shame if I told a person that I went to go see a movie by myself but shame I feel no longer. Judge me once, shame on you. Judge me twice, that’s twice as much shame on you, you shameful bastard. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a movie alone, but I used to do it all the time. I love movies and not everybody loves them as much as I do, so why the hell can’t I go by myself?
Once during a summer break in college I saw a quadruple feature because I had absolutely nothing to do that day. (The Descent, Miami Vice, The Night Listener, and World Trade Center. Yeah, I just went there.)
A lot of people have sex with themselves every single day, so what’s so wrong about treating yourself to a night on the town, a movie, or a romantic dinner? If you’re going to treat your body like a wonderland, you might as well take yourself out first once in awhile beforehand. Stop treating your hand like a whore. Buy yourself dinner first.
It’s Thanksgiving and for some people it might be the perfect opportunity to see how much you enjoy your own company. Thanksgiving is a time for family, a time for being grateful for what you have, and not pouting on what you do not have. Luckily, you’ll never be alone because no matter where you are, you’re there.
I’ve been doing non-family Thanksgivings and Christmas’s since I first left for college eight years ago. I would make it home sometimes but would spend them alone or in small company more often than not. It’s okay though, my family understood why I couldn’t always be there and why I won’t be there this year either. I don’t get sad about it, I use it as a chance to enjoy the friendships I have and the awesome opportunities I’ve been given.
Living in Los Angeles means that I know a lot of people who are transplants living far away from home. It’s a tradition in LA of non-traditional holidays. Even if I had no one else to spend it with, I would know exactly how to make it the “Best Thanksgiving Ever” because K-Steins knows how to “Date His Self.”
Since Thanksgiving week would be a pretty terrible week to ask somebody out from OkCupid or otherwise (I actually have done a Thanksgiving first date in Los Angeles, and it was… interesting) then there’s only one thing left to do: Date. Yo. Self.
Step 1: Prepare a Meal
Thanksgiving is all about the food. Normally, this would mean a giant turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, appetizers, pumpkin pie, and all of your favorite fixin’s. Of course, I am but one person and therefore I must minimize while still being able to get a full on taste of Thanksgiving flavors.
I love hors d’oeuvres (seriously, I don’t know how Google understands the words that are coming out of my mouf sometimes, but I’m glad that I could find the proper spelling) and will crush on some party platters. But for a one person party, it’s all about minimizing. In this case, I harken back to my days as a child to fill a mini-party platter:
Now that I will have something to snack on, let’s start cookin’ good lookin’.
While turkey would be the traditional route (we never were a ham family, but we would go H.A.M. on turkey) I am not going to eat and prepare an entire turkey. I am a large man, but I’m 75% sure that I would accidentally kill myself if I tried to properly cook a turkey because after a couple of hours I am going to dig it into it no matter how pink. (That’s what he said?)
Minimizing brings me to one logical conclusion: the Cornish Game Hen. These birds are like turkeys in many ways, but the main difference is that a Cornish Game Hen is a turkey that God hates.
This is my first time preparing a Cornish game hen, or any bird, so I better follow the directions:
So I follow the directions and after I salt and pepper the bird I start to feel much more confident when I read the word “Truss” on the packaging. A British slang term (like “trust”) the directions are saying “Don’t even worry about it Kenny. You’re doing a good job.”
I pop that bad boy into the oven and a little while later it’s good to go. I’m not sure exactly how long in terms of minutes, but I take it out four Arrested Developments later.
When I went off to college, my mom gave me this plate so I had something to eat off of, and to always remind me of home I guess. It is in no way creepy.
I don’t want to mess up trying to cook too many sides or have too much leftovers, so what does a guy got to do to just get some single servings of mashed potatoes and stuffing?
Thank you Banquet and Kraft. The total cost: under $2.
Finally, don’t forget the wine. The most important thing to remember when drinking alone on a holiday is that you call your family no later than the second glass of wine or second beer. You don’t want to be too sentimental or too honest when you’re trying to have a great solo date. Just let them know you’ve got great company on this holiday and you miss the family. If I call the family on the eighth glass, I’ll be singing “I don’t wanna miss a thing” by Aerosmith to my cousins.
Step 2: Dress Properly
Don’t insult yourself by not looking and smelling your best for the date. Think to yourself, “How would I like someone to look on a date with me? I’d want to see that they put effort into it.” So it’s time to get snazzied up.
Ahhh, that’s better. Once at homecoming I accidentally received this extra tuxedo jacket and now I can look fancy for the rest of my life, no matter the situation.
Step 3: Put a Familiar Face at the Table
When my mom was once going through some of her things she found this framed photo from my senior portraits and then she gave it to me. I don’t know why she would do that, but it worked out perfectly for this solo Thanksgiving.
Step 4: Enjoy your Meal!
Finally, it’s time to eat. Sit down with yourself and make sure to share… with yourself. There’s plenty to go around because there are fewer mouths to feed than what you’re traditionally used to. No need to push and shove. If you’re feeling frisky, set a kid’s table as well.
Now look at the awesome solo Thanksgiving date I’ve prepared. I’m about to have the greatest time of my life with the greatest company I could ask for, and then if I’m lucky I will take my date back to the bedroom after we’re finished eating. Happy Thanksgiving!
#thatisall