#NerdsUnite: Meghan's Metamorphosis
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Meghan. She came on board months ago to write for us, and then very unexpectedly had her life change. No like for reals - her first email to me was how she was in this relationship ... and how awesome it was ... like literally a week later, they broke up. She hasn't been able to write for months and is now dipping her toes back in the water. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT MEGHAN!! </editorsnote>
I can't do this anymore.
My life is a total wreck, and I'm sick of it.
Let's back up: a few months ago, everything was beyond awesome. I was writing up a storm, running all over LA with the love of my life, planning on moving to Europe for a year for a ridiculous job opportunity, and generally feeling like things were pretty peachy. In May, I got a kick-ass, crazy-lucrative, life-changing opportunity that took me to NYC for a month. After I got back, the boyfriend and I were going to move into an awesome sublet in Los Feliz for the summer before heading to Switzerland together in the fall.
Life. Was. Good.
Until all of a sudden it wasn't.
The job in Switzerland fell through last minute. I lost out on a second job opportunity that I'd figured I'd had in the bag. The sublet we were going to move into suddenly vanished. And then... my boyfriend and I broke up.
I wish there was a way to write it that didn't make it look so pedestrian. It's such a common, bland sentence. We broke up. Ugh.
When he moved out and away (to where? I'm not 100% sure), it didn't just feel like the end of a relationship. It felt like the end of... well, me. The me I was used to, at least. Despite my massive, crushing, sadness... there was a part of me that felt a little excited.Anything could happen now, I remember thing. Anything.
And here's the sad part: nothing did.
I've been almost totally paralyzed for the past three and a half months.
The hard truth: I'm twenty-six years old, hitting my fourth anniversary in a part-time job that has literally nothing to do with how I want to spend my life. I've morphed from a total go-getter hustler into a writer who doesn't even write, much less promote. I've stopped exercising, started eating horribly, gained a ton of weight (on top of the fifteen pounds of "love chub" I'd accrued during the past four years of my relationship), and stopped even trying to look cute. Earlier this week, my Internet got cut off because I hadn't paid the bill in three months out of sheer disorganization. I couldn't call to get the Internet turned back on because my phone was broken, and I'd been too exhausted to take it in and get it fixed.
I feel depressed, lethargic, disorganized, and utterly and completely listless.
And I can't do this anymore.
I turn twenty-seven on December 28th. I cannot turn twenty-seven feeling like this.
That means I have slightly less than three months to get my shit together.
I can't sit around whining anymore. It's not cute. I am a strong, passionate person... and it's about time I started acting like it. You only get one life. I've spent almost four months wasting day after day feeling hopeless and lost and regretful. Time to let that go.
One reason that I've responded so deeply to Jen and TNTML is that the site revolves around the idea of owning your shit and living life on your own terms. I want to be ecstatic about how I'm living my life. I want to wake up thrilled and passionate and excited, the way that I used to before everything started spiraling.
So. No more crying on the couch. It's go time. Let's do this.
xo
-Meghan
#nerdsunite
