Test or Die: The #Truth about #GameTesting part 4
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Seven16
Before I begin my final act, I need to get a few things out of the way ...
First and foremost, this was MY personal experience with game testing that I am talking about. I know a few people that still work in testing, and I am in no way docking their job, or what they do. As I’ve said before, without them, there would be no good videogames, and most of them wouldn’t be as fun either. That being said, just because I had a bad experience does not mean it could be different at another company, but from what I have heard, the situation is similar at most other places.
Second, I still love videogames, I always will, and even this mostly negative experience taught me a lot of things, especially about how they work, and I also learned how to be a better gamer because of this. When you test a music game on a guitar controller 8 hours a day, you’re bound to pick up a few things that some may consider to be awesome. (This is a quote from a video on my blog)
Finally, I would like to say that if not for this experience, I would not be here talking to you today. The reason I wrote this in the first place was to teach people about how the games industry works, and ask for a call to action on the treatment of the testing community in general. I will go into more detail about this later on, but educating people, gamers or non-gamers alike was my goal, and I feel that I have succeeded for the most part.
So without further ado…
As I sit here in front of my laptop with a broken screen, contemplating where I am now as opposed to where I was a year ago, I have to say that the change is significant to say the least. I have grown as a person, and for this, I am most grateful. But growing my soul does not help the world I live in. I share an apartment in an area of LA that I HATE, with a guy I don’t really have anything in common with, barely living on money from unemployment checks, and I’m frustrated with all of the terrible decisions I’ve made this year. I wanted to do something with myself this year, and all of my plans have fallen to shit so far. I’ve put in a lot of hard work, I’ve done all that I can, and I haven’t had a chance for a real break in years. My life is a series of unfortunate events, but unlike the book series, this has been happening to my life as long as I can remember.
I’m broken.
The following is an exerpt taken from a journal dated in August of 2009:
It’s my day off. It’s strange that it’s a Tuesday, but I’m fine with it at this point. We all filled out a sheet so that only about 3 people get a day off per week. Some people have Saturdays, other people have Monday, and I have Tuesday. And so it goes.
I woke up about 11:30, still exhausted from the last week. The project is coming to a close, we all know it, but we haven’t found out an exact date of when we are going to get let go. Games are treated like movies in the sense that when a project is over, everyone loses their job. Unfortunately, work is inconsistent, so sometimes we have to keep calling in to find out if new projects are starting. It’s shitty, and we all hate it, but this last project, a friend of mine put in the good word for me, and I managed to get this gig 2 weeks after finishing my last project. I wasn’t that great on the first one, even though I did my absolute best, but I garnered some respect because of my charismatic attitude, and my respect for my fellow co-workers. I was a leader, and because of this, some of my bosses didn’t like my attitude. It’s strange to think that being too friendly is a problem at work because I made people feel more relaxed around me, and they got more work done because of that attitude. I didn’t like the job, but as I mentioned in Part 3, camaraderie makes things go smoother.
My abilities had increased, and I was now the lead progression guitarist on the project, surpassing a fellow co-worker, who was not mad, but rather impressed by this achievement. I took pride in my natural ability to pick up and play the controller like it was a real guitar, and others I knew were also very gifted at playing the other instruments. In my short time doing this, I had did have a lot of fun. As I said before, the project was coming up on submission, and most of the work we were doing was bullshit busy work anyway.
Monday afternoon, I was called to try and make sure that an achievement unlocked in the correct way for the big boss. I was very nervous, as this man was an enemy of mine on my last project, not by choice mind you, but like I said before, because I made my co-workers happy, he did not like this. He was a shrewd business man, as well as a gamer, but he was more the former than latter, and was more concerned about meeting deadlines than fixing all of the more important issues with the games. It was mostly this behavior that caused us to run into problems, and constantly being pushed only stressed us out more. He had threatened our jobs indirectly in the past, manipulating the leads on the project to meet his needs, and the needs of the investors. He was the A-typical douchebag business type that most people both loathe, and aspire to be.
I ended up unlocking the achievement on the first try, and gave my lead the thumbs up as if to say “it works”. The big boss was standing next to him, and he gave me a sneer when I did this, trying not to directly comment on the work that I and my fellow testers had worked hard to accomplish on time. I was covered in sweat. I was happy that I had done it the first time because I was scared about losing my job if I failed. This man really did not like me, and I could see it in his eyes.
At 5:30, it was time to clock out, and I was happy to have my day off the next day. I commented to one of my co-workers that I was glad I finally had some time to relax and enjoy myself, if only for a day. As I was walking to my car, he told me, “You know, you could come to work tomorrow. The project is pretty much done, why not make some more money?” to which I replied, “I’m not concerned about that, I just need some rest, that’s all. I promised my sister I would hang out with her tomorrow too.” I waved goodbye, and hopped in my car. I had no idea what was coming.
After sleeping in on Tuesday and having a little time to myself, I got a call from my sister around 1’o clock. She asked if I wanted to go see District 9 at Century City, and as I had promised her I would hang out, as well as wanting to see the film, I said yes, and we drove over to the Westside. We decided to roam around the mall a bit since we were a bit early, so we got some coffee. We talked about her going to college, about what I was doing at work, and about life in general. We went into the theatre at about 2, and watched the film, which I absolutely LOVED (if you haven’t seen it, you’re missing out). I’m a big Sci-Fi person, so I felt that I got more than my money’s worth. The intensity was a lot to handle all at once, but I was happy.
I said goodbye to my sister, and went over to visit my friend for a few minutes. I couldn’t stay for long, but we had a nice conversation for 20 minutes, and I drove back to my apartment. I got back, set down my stuff, and looked at my phone. I had 3 new messages. This first one was from my sister, who was reminding me that we needed to hang out. Delete. The second message was from my friend whom I had just seen. Delete. The final message was from a number I did not recognize, so I listened.
It was from one of the managers at my work. She had called during the middle of the film, and I was unable to pick up. She explained that all of my fellow workers had been let go, and that the project had ended. She told me not to come into work the next day because there WASN’T any. She had only been informed by my lead that it was my day off earlier in the afternoon. Everyone had been sent home already. I was told to call back to figure out how to turn in my badge. And just like that, I was unemployed.
I was devastated. As I said earlier, I knew that the end of the project was near, but I got laid off in a VOICEMAIL message. I felt betrayed, stabbed in the back. They couldn’t even just have left me a voicemail telling me to call back and then let me go, they had to leave me one telling me that I was fired. Losing my job was one thing, but losing it over a message is another thing entirely. It was by far the most unprofessional thing that I had ever experienced, and I was distraught. It made me realize that my working at the company didn’t mean anything to them, and I felt like I was less than a pile of dog shit sitting in the sun, getting drier and drier as it sat on the grass.
I moped around my apartment, wallowing in self-pity, feeling like I wanted to kill myself, like I wasn’t worth the effort. There had been only two or three times that I had felt like this before, and I actually DID try to kill myself all of those times. Despite all of the complaints I had made working there, it kept me busy, and now that I had nothing left to do, I was lost, back to square one.
After this, I vowed never to return to Testing for the company. I could not bare the stress it gave me, and the way I was treated was not worth the effort. Ironically enough, I was called in December by the same woman that had fired me, asking if I wanted to test a new game. I never called her back. I’m still mad and upset to this day. I put so much effort into my work, and I didn’t get anything for it. I was paid like shit, I was treated like shit, I worked hard, and I had nothing to show for it. A credit in a game is not worth the effort if people are treated like this.
So what did I learn? I learned that since the games industry has gone uphill the last 10 years, but the business has become so cutthroat and corporate, it’s like the Wild West. People aren’t paid enough, and I’m not just talking about the tester community, but the artists, programmers, designers, and developers. Their creativity is sacrificed for corporate greed and foolish choices. I compare it to how the film industry was in the 1920’s, just coming into the public eye, people being back stabbed, moguls trying to gain more power by focusing strictly on what worked in the past, and not allowing it to move forward so that people can be allowed to express themselves. Videogames have come into view, but the practices have not.
So here I am, more than a year later, barely struggling to keep myself afloat, not knowing what my future holds, or where I am headed. I have tried my best to do something else, but no one is hiring. The recession hit the games industry hard, and most of my colleagues were let go not one month after I was let go myself. They closed one of the development studios I worked with, and lots of good, hard working people lost their jobs due to decisions the higher-ups made. I have a hard time figuring out why the hell it’s like this, and as I said before, I still have no real answer, even after thinking about all this for a long time. I just wish that more people knew, hence why I wrote these in the first place.
I’m only the messenger, it’s up to the people in the industry to change it, and so far, I haven’t seen much change.
I dedicate these articles to my friends in the Testing community, and all of the wonderful, hardworking people that lost their jobs. They deserve better.
Henry Abrams aka @Seven16 on twitter.
Follow me on my blog: http://manvsblog.tumblr.com