Post-school popularity: Can I date a #dork?
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @singleapprchgrl
Act 1
My popularity peaked in the 5th grade.
Those were the good old days. I was teacher’s pet, the PE teacher always appointed me to pick the teams in gym class and I was the only girl invited to play wall-ball with the boys during lunch. AND, the cutest boy in school (who looked like the kid from Jerry Maguire) asked me to “go out.” Together we ruled recess.
Then I went to middle school and my popularity-o-meter hit rock bottom. It had something to do with the other 6th graders thinking my elementary school was “lame,” but regardless, I spent a good part of my middle-school years desperately crawling up the popularity ladder.
One time, during a Bat Mitzvah, a popular boy told me he liked me and kissed me in a hotel courtyard. Then, after he was laughed at on Monday morning, he broke it off with me on his way to track practice. I was crushed. It didn’t matter that he liked me. My popularity radar meter was too low for him to consider going out with me.
Silly, mean kids and their obsession with popularity. Luckily we all outgrow such stereotypes in adulthood. Right?
Act 2
I recently met a guy through work and we clicked immediately. Our personalities are right on target and we challenge each other in a fun, flirty way. I remember coming home from our first interaction with a certain feeling; thinking to myself, “woooow.”
Later I was with a group of girlfriends and I asked one of them what she thought of this guy, because they had worked together in the past and I respect her opinion. (Let’s just say, if we were in school right now, she would be a popular girl). Her response was:
“I don’t think anything about him because he’s just too boring to even think about.” She then launched into diatribe about all the things that make him boring. When she was finished, she asked, “why do you ask?”
S.A.G.: (speechless)
Clearly, in her mind he was not popular. He was apparently the furthest thing from popular. So by telling her about my crush, I would become Bat Mitzvah boy – momentarily associated with a dork. I just brushed it off saying I just randomly curious.
But why? Is popularity really a factor in adult dating? Even Danny and Sandy got together after high school once the Thunder Birds and Pink Ladies were dissolved.
I think our adolescence has branded us with a superficial dating filter: we want our girlfriends to like our boyfriend (maybe even secretly want to sleep with him) and we want our guy friends to want to be friends with him.
It just takes a strong girl to ignore those filters…
Act 3
After three wretched, unpopular years, I can pinpoint the exact moment I was given the opportunity to reinstate my previous 5th-grade glory.
It was the first week of high school, Freshman year. I had just spent a week at band camp (that’s right) where I had met 2nd-Chair Sax. He was a senior, played saxophone and was editor of the yearbook. He was definitely the coolest guy at band camp (for what that’s worth). He asked me to Homecoming and I accepted. (I played the quads, btw)
Then, at Varsity swim practice – my only access to cool people – a popular sophomore girl came up to me and said, “You won’t believe this, but 2nd-String QB wants to ask you to Homecoming!”
Even as a newbie, I knew that 2nd-String QB was a very talented sophomore athlete and possibly the hottest guy in school.
S.A.G.: But I already told 2nd-Chair Sax that I’d go to Homecoming with him.
Popular sophomore girl: So what?! This is 2nd-String QB we’re talking about! Call it off with the band dork, trust me.
I had no idea how 2nd-String QB knew who I was or why he would want to ask me to Homecoming, but I knew that this was it. This was my moment to be popular for the rest of my 4 years of high school.
Act 4
2nd-Chair Sax and I went to Homecoming together and we dated that entire year. We are still friends.
I was never popular, but I did have great representation in the year book that year.
Maybe, at 29, I should remember to be as brave as I was at 15.