For you Flo <3
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi
I'm in love with the progressive girl. There, it's out there, it's been said, and there is no going back. With her hair all done up like leave it to beavers mom. You can tell she's that girl next door type. But how to tell her? Unlike that late night crush you get on the girl who works the grave yard shift at the quick stop. She's in the commercials. Just a pixelated screen away. “What's that?” I say. “You want to know my name, why it's Jordan.” I stop her, “oh no you need not tell me yours. I know you who you are. I've seen you on the television.” Your bright shiny name tag all white and perfectly pinned on your tight polo shirt. “Hello Flo.”
Maybe, we can go to a movie and see such great hits as Pleasantville or Fido. Good clean family fun I would never want you to think me the type of man who watches racy movies like The Wizard of Oz or the Princess Bride. Only good clean wholesome films for us. How would I explain that ruby red lipstick you wear being on my cheek when I got home. Oh! I'm sure I could come up with something to cease the no doubt endless questions my roommate would have. Insisting that only street walkers wear that shade of red. What does he know. You are a lady of the highest standing. Even if that's as far as it ever went and my dreams of a perfect life. With a car in the drive, insured by progressive of course. One of those new fangled microwave ovens. Isn't science fascinating. Why I could go the rest of my life knowing I had taken a chance and told Flo I had those gushy feelings for her. The perfect nerd for the perfect geek.
Oh if only you weren't just a made up character for a commercial series. I know my friends think I'm crazy. BUT, I'M NOT CRAZY! We all do nuts things when we're in love. So when I picked up that phone and heard that female voice on the other end thanking me for calling progressive. I had to take my chance. I let loose a powerful and manly sonnet from my heart validating all my dreams and ending with... I love you Flo! I'd like to think that pause on the other end of the line was her contemplating what a bold gesture it was to say that the first time we spoke. Really, it was just stunned silence as Nancy the operator said, “thank you sir... I think.” I hung up the phone defeated and marched back to the couch. Flipped on the television and marveled at all the pretty colors. When whom should appear, but you Flo with your tricked out name tag. Your smile sent shivers down my spine. I sighed knowing it was never to be. At least I had taken a chance. Nancy the operator never called back!
This has been a work of fiction by your friendly neighborhood Saint. ;)
Tell Jordan how much you LOOVEEDD his article on twitter here.