I'm not allergic to the #Internet, but I am #allergic to....

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JenSquard

Apparently I'm allergic to a lot less than I thought!  Although I'm convinced that their test wasn't nearly as accurate as I had hoped.  Here's how the whole process works:

First, they do this super long consultation to gather reaction history, how it looked, how it felt, whatever.  From that info the doc determines what all he wants to test you for.  Now comes the fun part.

While you lay topless on your belly, they number you, then poke you.  To poke you they use this tiny little piece of plastic that is hollow with four points on the end.  They touch you with that and twist.  That little poker is first dipped into a liquid that holds the allergen they are testing for.  That's the shiny part you see on my gorgeous back.  Basically they make a tiny abbrasion on your skin and get a bit of gunk in there to see if you cells react.

Here's the deal with an allergic reaction - your normal defensive cells hang out near the surface of your skin, or the lining of your eyes, nose, etc.  When an allergen (pollen, grass, dander, etc) hit these cells, they combine with antibodies that are attached to your defensive cells.  12% of people produce excessive antibodies, which is where the problem happens.  When the antibody that is directed against a particular allergen combines with that allergen, histamine is released into the surrounding tissue, causing the symptoms of allergic reactions.  Too much histamine, and boom, you dead, son.  (Sorry, I was trying out gangsta and it didn't work)

So basically they are sending in a little bit of suspected allergen into all of these different spots, letting it sit for a while, then measuring the reaction.  The top left reaction on me is to straight up histamine.  That is their reaction control to see how I react to histamine on it's own.  On my arm they actually injected some crap.  Whoever thought up the idea to give someone a shot in their forearm is nuts.  That's just psychologically messed up.  Didn't feel great, but the mind screw it gave me ahead of time wasn't cool. 

It turns out that I only reacted to a couple of things, none of which helps me out.  I am allergic to a local mold, and Juniper, which is why I get seasonal allergies.  I live in Colorado, everyone gets seasonal allergies here.  I did react to cats.  Obviously doesn't bother me too bad since I have three of my own.  I didn't react to grass or dogs, which is weird since I strongly react when I sit in the grass or when I pet my dogs.  I also didn't react to shellfish.  The doc isn't convinced that my reaction was a soft-shelled crab thing.  I am.  So basically I don't get to eat it unless I want to go through 2 rounds of steroids and a crazy painful shot again.  Um...no thanks, sir!  He is allowing me to eat other shellfish, which is a good thing because I am all about my crabs.  (Ha, get it?  I have crabs?  No one?  *sigh*)

Basically I spent three hours getting poked (which is a really strange combination of painful and ticklish) for nothing.  Aaaaaah, the beauty of practicing medicine.  Not crystal clear, more like muddy.  And trust me, this isn't the first time I have heard a doctor say that he has never heard of anything like me before, and that they just don't understand what my body is doing.  Actually, this would be more like the 5th time.  I told you, I'm a big deal.  I'm such a big deal my weird ass body should be a case study. 

If you are interested in doing a case study on my strangeness, contact me on Twitter: @JenSquard

or find me on Facebook: facebook.com/jenswedhinphotography

Or if you just want to see if I'll say something funny, that's okay, too.